Forever Yours
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. Two co-workers who cannot stand one another thanks to their very complicated past. Mature Themes. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**They Aren't Mine. **

Taking in a deep breath, Lorne Greene sat down. He reached into his large desk and pulled out the last airplane-sized liquor bottle that he had hidden in there, specifically for times like these.

Lorne could already hear the sound of them coming. He could already see in his mind's eye a good view of what else was to come.

Throwing away the bottle, he let out a large breath of air and laced his fingers together before him. He placed a smile on his face, looking toward the door.

It didn't take long though. After the briefest knock in history, it went swinging open.

"For the last time... I can not, and I will not, work with that wretched woman!" Liam Angelus O'Connor all but bellowed out.

Mister Tall, Dark and Handsome had hardly finished when the woman in question stepped inside.

Buffy Summers threw a glare Angel's way before stepping further into the room until she was in front of their boss. "I can not for the life of me even begin to understand why this sad excuse for a man has a job with us. He has no business here, Lorne."

"Me? Oh, no Missy. I am doing my job just fine. Or, I suppose I should say that I would be doing my job just fine is someone would quit fucking everything up!"

"Need I remind you that your job does not involve any explicit word used in your retort there with anything and everything that crosses your ill fated path?"

"What I do in my person life is my own damn business, you have no..."

The blonde gave a sharp laugh. "Your endless string of floozies parading through the halls, through our offices? Yes, that does make it my business, makes it everyone's business. You, Angelus, make it my goddamn business. But, you know what? We have pretty much all looked the other way, time and time again. And we did that because you have always had enough brains to keep it in your pants at the very least for when it came to our clients and their guests. Until now. Because apparently, the good fortune on that has run out."

Angel made a face and threw his arms up into the air. "What in the fucking hell are you talking about?"

Buffy ignored him and turned back toward Lorne. "He is flirting with the bride, Lorne. The goddamn bride!"

"I was not flirting with anyone!"

"Please," Buffy rolled her eyes. "They were this close to ripping one another's clothes off and just doing it right there in front of the whole wedding party."

"Yeah, Buf, I'm sure Mister Miller would have just loved that," Angel drawled out.

"Didn't look as though either of you, you especially, cared. And no, our poor groom probably wouldn't have, as he hasn't appreciated anything that you were doing." Buffy sighed. "Lorne, he wants to speak with you, and as I'm sure you've gathered, he isn't happy."

For the first time, Lorne spoke, "Angel, go get yourself something to drink, something to eat if you need it, then return so we can discuss this. Buffy, please head back down there, grab something nice and expensive for our lovely couple on your way, and hold the situation over until I get there."

"If you're going to fire him then I want to be here!"

"I'm not firing anybody."

Buffy made a sound. "Fine, whatever. I'll see what I can do down there, but you had better hurry," she looked over her shoulder at Angel, "and do something with him, would you?"

Angel made a face her way.

OoOoO

"Angelcakes..."

"I wasn't doing anything."

"Did you happen to do or say anything that could have been... construed perhaps a certain way?"

"She..."

"Not just by Buffy," he interrupted, "but by anyone. That including the new, overprotective, jealous groom?"

Angel sighed. "I wasn't flirting with the bride, or anyone for that matter," he finally spoke after a long pause, his voice tired.

And that was answer enough for Lorne. "I know," he replied. He knew Angel, as both his employee and as his friend, he knew Angel understood the rules, knew the lines not to cross, but he didn't always see how thin that line could be and how he managed to flirt with crossing it without, in his mind, really doing anything. In all honesty, he was just being himself, but sometimes that ended up causing trouble all on it's own.

OoOoO

Slipping off her heels, Buffy slid into her chair, sipping a glass of champagne she'd been dying for all evening as she went.

"This is just the kind of thing that is prone to happen when you hire the biggest manwhore of the greater Los Angeles area. If not even on a wider scope than that."

"Buffy, he's good at what he does."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm talking about his photography, of course. He's the best we've ever had, probably the best anyone could ask for."

"Sometimes you do have to wonder if he's worth it though, and right now, I'm on the side of no, no he is not."

"Buf, go home, take a very long, very hot, and relaxing bath, get incredibly tipsy from this bottle of wine that I am giving you, and try and enjoy your weekend off. I will see you back here on Monday, alright?"

Buffy sighed. "Whatever."

OoOoO

When he was sure that everyone had left, Angel let out a breath that he felt as though he'd been holding the entire time. He rubbed his eyes, stretched out his legs from being huddled against his chest and let his head fall against the wall.

He wasn't sure why he'd remained in the corner of his office after being told to head home after his meeting with Lorne, but here he was.

Taking several minutes to gather himself up, he stood, grabbed his bags and headed for the door, double checking his surroundings to make sure he was alone.

Satisfied, he continued on his way, putting his things away in the trunk of his car, getting in and driving toward the nearest bar to go find someone to take back to his place, all the while ignoring the voicemail on his phone.

He wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

OoOoO

"Hey, big brother."

Angel peeled himself away from the drunken brunette he's been dry humping on his porch as he fumbled with the lock, much to both of their annoyance.

"Faith," he greeted, peering over to his right.

"I did call," she said with a shrug.

He sighed, that was true. Many times in fact, he just never answered or listened to the increasing amount of messages she'd left. "What happened to Boston?"

"I'm pretty sure it's still there."

"That's funny. Why aren't you?"

Faith let out a sigh and fluffed her hair some, "Long story."

Angel nodded, of course it was. Looking back to his drunken girl, Angel gave an apologetic smile, "Look, I'm real sorry... uh, Cheyenne?... but..."

"It's Shelia."

"Right, Shelia. Sorry. Shelia, as you can see I had some rather unfortunate events come up..." he glanced at his sister, "so..."

"Whatever," she muttered angrily and started walking away.

"I can call you a cab?"

As an answer, he got a middle finger.

Faith laughed, standing up and grabbing her bags. "You sure know how to pick 'em."

"Yeah, yeah, come on. I take it you need a place to crash?"

"You know me so well!"

OoOoO

"You're up early."

"I'm a working man, Faith."

"Right, sure you are." She watched him quickly down some breakfast, just this side of grossed out by it. "Can I come?"

"What?"

"Can't I just come... hang out or something?"

"Faith..."

"I'll stay out of the way. I just... I don't want to be stuck here all day. By myself."

"You're free to go out and find something to do. Or, you know, call your mother."

She made a face. "I don't know my way around and oh, no, no way in hell am I calling her. She wouldn't understand, she never understands. And before you try and suggest it, there's a lesser chance I'm calling our father."

"Wouldn't dream of telling you to do such a thing."

"Good. Now, please?" she pouted.

"Christ, fine. But you better get dressed in record speed," he told her, which had her smiling and flying out of her seat to go get ready. "And you better do exactly as I say!" he called after her.

"You got it!" she yelled back.

He muttered a few curses under his breath.

OoOoO

"Wow," Faith breathed, taking in the office. "Just... wow."

Angel chuckled at her. "Yeah, it's pretty nice. Lorne... he really outdid himself."

"I'll say! Nice to see that someone's dreams came true though."

Angel nodded, showing her into the elevator. His mind wandering back to a time that felt so long ago for the ride. It brought back some bad memories with it, but for the most part some good ones of a happier time as well.

"Holy shit!" Faith let out as they reached their destination and stepped onto the floor. She was loud enough that a few passerby's happened to hear her which she quickly apologized for and held a hand over her mouth as she took this floor in, too.

"Way to make an impression," he whispered, putting a hand on her lower back and guiding her through, smiling politely at his co-workers as he went. "You know, there's a reason we don't have a 'bring your sister to work day' around here. And I'm pretty sure you're that reason," he told her, unlocking his office and showing her in.

Faith's eyes all but bugged out as she drank in the space. It was, unsurprisingly, quite impersonal but you couldn't deny it was impressive. Her brother had done quite well for himself and she was proud of him.

"Go ahead, snoop around," he told her with a smirk as he began to put his things away.

"I don't snoop," she joked before starting to explore the room. "You keep your office as empty as your home," she noted after several minutes. He looked up and made a face, looking around at the collective mess he had in here. "You know what I mean, it should be more... well, it should just be more."

"Yeah, Faith, that makes plenty of sense. Really."

She rolled her eyes at him then jumped as she heard someone knock on the door.

"Yeah? It's open."

Faith squealed in delight as she saw Lorne's familiar face pop in.

"Hey there, I heard you were coming in with him today, just had to see for myself," he greeted, wrapping his arms around the brunette.

"I've missed you!"

"And you too, puddin'."

"I've been telling the grouch over there how impressed and happy I am for you, for the both of you. Even if someone needs to make their space feel a little more homey."

"Well thank you, my dear. And yes, I keep telling him that myself."

Faith nodded. "I mean, think about it," she linked one arm together with Lorne's while the other waved across the room, "Get a few more of those paintings he loves so much and hang them up there, there and there," she pointed at the spots she liked the best, "perhaps there as well, put up one or two of those large advertisement posters, either in a large frame or just as they are, a few shelves, a few bookcases, fill them with his... whatever all that is on the floor, some books, knick-knacks, photos of his family," she smiled, "and whatever else, awards and certificates, some can go on there, some hung up on the walls, oh, get some of his favorite shots, frame them, just regular size, and have them displayed on the walls as well... so, you know, when someone comes in they can be wowed. A new desk, chair, and ... lack of organization system he's got going on there..." she made a face at the walls, "And this color, not him. You know, just for starters."

Lorne laughed and hugged her. "You're right, absolutely right."

"I happen to like my office just as it is, thank you."

They both chose to ignore him. "Just how long are you planning to stay in Los Angeles?"

Angel's head popped up at that, he knew he couldn't be the one to ask, at least not yet, but he was more than curious about what the answer was going to be.

Faith shrugged. "Haven't really decided that yet."

Lorne thought for a moment. "Well, how would you like a job?"

"What?" the siblings both question.

Lorne opened his hands up before him, "Well, we all know you have a knack for interior design, Faithy, and I just so happen to be re-doing my office, and thinking about doing the whole floor and a few of our other locations as well. Plus, as you've pointed out, your brother here needs some work done in here, as well. I'm sure there's others who'd love your advice and skills along with us."

Faith was squealing in happiness. Angel... not so much. "Lorne, could I speak with you... in private... for a second?"

Faith knew that tone and looked over at him. "Look, I wasn't exactly planning on moving here or anything, you know that. But... I'm here, and there's a good chance I will be for awhile. And I'm sorry for that, but I... I don't have anywhere else to go, Angel. And... I could use a job. I mean, I might actually like it. And I promise I'll do whatever you want, either of you want. I'll stay out of the way. I promise."

Angel sighed. He knew that was probably going to be the case, she'd be here until the next crazy idea came her way and she'd run with it. Until it came crashing down and she'd be back on his doorstep.

This might actually be good for her.

"Fine, whatever."

Faith jumped up and down in place then ran to hug them both.

OoOoO

"I can save up and get my own place," Faith continued excitedly. She'd break out into these random talks every half fifteen minutes it seemed. "Doesn't mean it's exactly going to remain here, but for once, I can really do this. On my own. Not live off someone else or rely on someone else, not borrow for you or whatever."

Angel looked up from his computer and smiled at her. "I know, Faith. And you're more than welcome to stay with me as long as you want though, you know that. You're allowed to stay in LA as long as you want, too. Hell, you might like it."

"He's giving me a lot of responsibility though, just like that," she snapped her fingers.

"You'll be fine. He knows what you're capable of. And I'm not just referring to your designing skills."

"I know, it's just..."

"Faith. You'll do great."

She sighed. "Well, it will look great on my resume."

Angel lifted an eyebrow at her.

"Hey, a girl has to move on to bigger and better things," she said and they both laughed.

OoOoO

When he had a few spare moments, Angel decided to give Faith a quick tour of the floor and offices. Also took some time to introduce her to some of his-their-co-workers.

She seemed to enjoy it and kept growing more and more excited with her new project, already going on and on about what she planned to do here and there.

She'd become official on Monday but she was already letting the wheels turn and dishing out ideas. She and Lorne had already gone over some of the basics, her ideas, her schedule, the costs and some other details.

Angel was happy for her though. This was her dream, which she had chased after before, then let it go, would chase after, then let go again. This was without a doubt her luckiest break. He knew he could have offered her it before but with her, sometimes you just had to wait for the right time to come. And finally, it had.

"A lot of people sure seem to think I'm your latest 'lady friend,'" Faith commented after awhile.

He laughed, "Which would be why I am going out of my way to introduce and explain to everyone that you are instead my annoying baby sister."

Faith stuck her tongue out at him. "Jerk."

"You know you love me."

"Whatever. So where is she anyway?"

Angel gave her a confused look. "Who?"

"Buffy."

"Oh. Her. She's not... she's not working this weekend."

"Uh huh. Must suck, huh?"

"What's that?"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Having to work alongside the only woman you've ever loved. A woman who spent half of her life loving you back, the other cursing the day you were ever born."


	2. Chapter 2

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel caught a glimpse of blonde hair. He lowered his camera and cursed under his breathe quickly before returning to the task at hand.

When she finally made her way over to him, Angel took in a deep breath, "And to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked sarcastically.

"Just checking in," she replied, giving the bride-slash-mother-to-be a quick one-over.

He was afraid of what might be going through her mind, what she might say, but of course, she kept their history out of it, acting as though they had never happened.

"I see that this time you did manage to get the bride naked," she joked.

"That's cute, real cute" he mumbled.

It was a spur of the moment idea, but the bride, Marcie Ross, was all for it. She was six and half months along, doing a solo shoot today, and he just felt inspired. She was strategically covered of course, but showing off all of her glorious curves, in the most tasteful and beautiful fashion by all means. He was quite proud of himself already.

"Didn't realize I needed a babysitter."

"You'd be the only one, Angelus. You'd be the only one." She smiled then walked away before he had a chance to say anything more.

She greeted some of the help then took a moment to talk with Marcie, see how she was, if there was anything she could do. She made sure to casually remind her of the next appointment they had together and then they just chatted about who knows what while he laughed in his head about how ridiculous this whole thing was.

After making some adjustments, Angel finally decided it was time to kick Buffy out of there and get back to work. "Miss Summers," he called out, "If you don't mind, I do have a few more shots that I'd like to get and then we will be done for the day, Marcie."

Buffy shot him a look, quick and fleeting but he caught it, then turned back to their client and smiled. She was standing up to leave when things decided to take a turn.

"Buffy Anne Summers!"

Startled, Buffy jumped a little, her face growing more confused by the moment. Even and especially after she saw just who was calling out to her. "Faith?"

"Faith!" Angel called out, "I'm trying to work here!"

Waving him off, Faith continued running her way down to Buffy and the girls shared some awkward smiles and then a hug.

"Faith, what in the world are you doing here?"

Angel sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Working!"

"We'll go talk outside," Faith said with a roll of her eyes. "Come on."

"Great," Angel muttered.

OoOoO

"You're working here? With us?" Buffy questioned, taking a seat on the steps beside Angel's little sister.

Faith smiled, "Yeah. Random thing. Lorne didn't tell you?"

Buffy laughed softly. "No, that he did not. Then again, I only saw him for a few minutes when I first checked in this morning, and he left me alone over the weekend so..."

"Well, surprise!"

"Indeed. So what all are you planning to do?"

"Honestly, I'm not completely sure on that myself. But... I'm going to be doing some help with remodeling some of the rooms, designing them anyway. Sort of giving a make-over. Besides that, I guess just random things here and there. Helping my dumbass brother out I would assume for the most part with whatever he might need."

"Well..." Buffy breathed. This was quite unexpected. "I'm glad you're here though. I can't believe how much you've grown up! How have you been? What all have you been up to? Have you been in LA long?"

Faith laughed, she knew this must be a tough thing for Buffy to have sprung on her. "I'm glad I'm here too, I think I need it. Life's been... kind of crazy, but it's getting better, so that's good. I've been well though. I've had my ups and to be honest quite a few downs but again, I'm getting myself on track. I actually just got into town at the end of last week. I had been living out in Boston for about six months but things took a turn and I needed somewhere to go so... Here I am. How about you? How have you been? Can't believe you and Lorne actually made this happen! It's so great!"

Buffy smiled at her, "Yeah, it is pretty amazing."

"Can't believe it's been so long since I've seen you." Suddenly Faith's eyes popped open. "Oh, my God! How can they be so insensitive?"

Buffy looked at her completely confused. "Faith, what are you talking about?"

"The... bride."

"What about her?" Buffy asked, still as confused as ever.

"She's, you know, pregnant," Faith actually whispered making Buffy laugh sadly.

"Faith, it's okay. It's seriously not a big deal. There's pregnant women all over the place."

"I know... but... then there's Angel, too and..."

"It's fine, Faith."

"Do you ever... wonder... what if?"

Buffy sighed. Upon seeing her, she knew something like this was bound to come up. "I'd be lying if I said no, sometimes I do, not very often mind you, but it used to be the only thing I ever did... playing the what if game. What if we'd never gotten together. What if I never had feelings for him, if he had never come around and returned them. What if we'd started sooner, or later... ended sooner or later than we did. What if he hadn't cheated, or if he had cheated more. What if we never slept together, what if we had more, if we'd started earlier or later. What if it hadn't mattered, what if I changed, or he changed. What if I'd never gotten pregnant, if I didn't lose it. If we never had that fight, if I'd been more careful. What if he'd cared, before or after, at any time. If it had all... if it had all just gone differently, if something, anything had been done different, gone differently. And trust me, I could go on for days and days with the thousands of things you could put alongside all of that, but like I said, I don't really think about it anymore. It doesn't do any good. I've moved on, he's moved on. It's like it never happened."

"Is that what you want?" Faith asked cautiously.

"To have it seem like it never happened?"

Faith nodded slowly.

"I wish it never did, but pretending it never did, acting as though it never did, trying to forget everything... that's the best I can do, so yes, that's what I want."

"I'm so sorry," Faith whispered, "For everything. Including the whole... I guess having to take sides things in all of this and losing you as a friend and everything else."

Buffy shrugged. "You're his sister, Faith. And again, it's fine. It's all in the past. I mean, I do have more than my fair share of current issues with him, but everything else, everything from before... that's where it stays."

"I hope that maybe now we can..."

Buffy smiled and pulled her in for a hug. "That door has always been open and I hope we can rebuild the once great friendship we shared. I do think I should be heading back to the office for now however, but we'll get back together and get more in detail with what all we've been missing out on in one another's lives huh?"

OoOoO

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Why do I always get this sinking pit in my stomach whenever someone asks that, especially when it's someone such as yourself?"

Faith made a face at her new boss.

"Fine, go ahead."

"Exactly what in the hell were you thinking hiring the two of them?"

Lorne held out his hands before him, "Well, it's not like I planned it!"

Faith broke out into laughter, "Calm down, I'm just asking!"

He sighed. "I mean, okay, once upon a time I had planned it, or rather, I'd hoped for it, but things just... came together in the end anyway. Buffy and I built this place up then one random day... there was Angel. He happened to be a guest at a wedding we were doing, a wedding in which on the day our then main photographer decided to grow the biggest divatude and walked out on us. He saved the day. And the rest..."

Faith shook her head in disbelief. She'd known he was working here but they never really went into it, his fault of course. Suddenly she burst into laughter, earning another look from Lorne. "Sorry, I was just... memories flooding me. Us as kids always hanging around that old motel, playing wedding on the main floor..."

Lorne laughed along with her. "That's how it all started."

"Just think though, you could have ended up with our second most favored game and be running a restaurant instead."

Lorne rolled his eyes at the thought. "I was never good at a single thing about it, but it did always seem like fun!"

OoOoO

"Angel!"

"Yeah?"

"I have the best idea floating in my head right now I can hardly stand it!" Faith squealed into the phone, "Please tell me you still have some of the old photographs from when we were kids."

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

"The wedding days."

Angel sighed, "Why?"

"Like I said, I have an idea floating in my head and was hoping to use them as part of it. Sort of showcase not only your past.. but in a way the whole company, too. I'm not quite sure what all it might be helpful for but I'm still working on that. This making any sense?"

He sighed again, Lorne had mentioned something almost similar a long time ago. Truth be told there could be a lot of uses for what they were all leaving in the past. "Yeah," he finally answered, "I think I've got some back at my place. If not, probably some in storage or something."

"Great, we can go hunting for them later and you can help get my mind focused on what it is I'm trying to pull off."

"Sounds like a plan." Though he wasn't as thrilled about it as she was. Nowhere near it in fact. Digging through any part of his past... never something he found to be much of an exciting event.


	3. Chapter 3

"Angelus!" Buffy called out the following morning, "Just the man I want to see."

"Great," he muttered. 'This can't be good.'

"One of your, well, let's just call them whores... decided she'd stop by and, for some reason completely unknown to me, has decided to talk, non-stop, to me the entire time that she has been here."

He sighed in annoyance at her, and the whole situation, then tried peering around the corner to see if he could get an idea on who this woman in question might be. After all, it could be just about anyone with him.

"It's not like I tell any of them where I work or how to find me," he mumbled out loud.

"Do I look like I care?" Buffy snapped.

"Yo, way to hold the elevator!" Faith's voice rung out before he could snap back at her. "Wow, hostility much?" she let out looking between the former couple. "What'd I miss now?"

"Nothing to write home about, Faith, just Buffy doing her best to remind us that she is reigning Queen Bitch of these parts. You know if that stick in your ass gets shoved in any higher Buf, we might have to take you to a doctor."

Buffy gave a slow and wicked grin, a sure sign that she was about to unleash hell, but before she got her chance, Faith grabbed her brother's arm, said a quick goodbye to her friend, and all but dragged him away from the danger zone.

"Angelus," a thankfully unfamiliar voice purred moments later, followed by a less sex-filled, "Who is this?"

Faith raised her eyebrows at her brother as a sign of her basically ask the same thing.

Annoyed, Angel shifted his bag from one shoulder to the other as he searched for the keys in his pocket... and his mind for the girl's name. "Uh..." it never came, "you? This is my younger sister, Faith Lehane."

"Oh," the girl breathed then smiled brightly, "Aww! That's so cute! I didn't know you had a sister. Wait, Lehane?"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Same father, we both just decided to use our own mother's maiden names."

"Oh," she repeated, "whatever." Deciding to forget Faith's existence, the nameless girl closed the distance between herself and Angel, pressing her body against his, mouth meeting his with a sloppy kiss, her hands making a public show of its exploration.

"Okay, gross," Faith said throwing her own bag down at the door. "I'll just... go away now, thanks."

OoOoO

As he ran into them in the hall, Lorne was told the bad news. It didn't come a shock, after all, this is was Liam Angelus O'Connor, but besides that, he'd already heard the news through the impressive gossip grapevine and had even seen the trollop in question earlier.

What did come as a shock was as he was planning to pass by his friend's office to get to his own, he witness Angel brushing the girl off and sending her on her way.

And this wasn't this first time. In fact, this seemed to be becoming a surprisingly more of a common occurrence.

"Very interesting," Lorne said slyly as he got closer and she got further away.

Angel looked up after he got his door unlocked. "What's that?" he asked, pushing the door open and entering, kicking in Faith's bag as he went.

Lorne pointed in down the hall toward the direction the girl had gone.

Angel shrugged. "Some things seem like a much better idea at the time."

"She was cute."

"Not what I mean."

"You seem to be turning down female companionship quite often these days," he noted.

Angel made a face. "Been checking up on me, have we?"

"Just making an observation. I do tend to pay more attention to you though, yes. You're my friend and I worry about you."

Angel laughed. "You're worried because I've turned down a few offers for a quick lay in my office?"

Lorne shook his head. "No, I was worried when you weren't turning them down."

Angel was silent for a very long time, a lot of things playing on his mind. Finally, with a lot of internal debate raging inside, Angel said the most honest thing he'd ever spoken. "I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be that guy anymore."

"Well, it's about time."

Angel sighed.

OoOoO

"Okay, so where would my big, fancy office be located?"

Buffy looked over her shoulder and laughed. "You do realize you just started yesterday, right?"

Faith laughed with her. "Yeah, but hey, I figure... close friend that I am and all I could pull a few strings? Besides, I cannot share an office with him. I'm pretty sure I won't last very long living with him either at that. But one thing at a time."

Buffy nodded, "I can understand that, hold on one second," she told her friend before dropping a few files off with some colleagues. "You have lived with him before," she returned to the conversation when she was done.

"True, but I think I always block all of these things out about him once I'm back out there in the real world."

"That's a good plan. But alright, I'll see what I can do about getting you somewhere to call your own around here. Until then, my office is right over here and you're free to use it. Or to hide out in or whatever."

Faith paused for just a moment and smiled to herself, before having to run back up to catch her, following her into her other temporarily shared work space.

OoOoO

Faith did her best to concentrate on what she was doing but it wasn't easy.

There was the fact Buffy was one busy ass woman, but also just the fact it was just mesmerizing to watch her.

"You have the goofiest grin on your face right now. What are you thinking about?"

Faith laughed, "You."

"Me?"

"Yes. I've been watching you and just remembering the funniest things. I can see you stomping halfway up the stairs, red-faced and looking ready to kill somebody shouting 'Where are the flowers? Why isn't there music playing? Why is my bride eating chocolate?'"

Buffy had to laugh as Faith shook her fists in the air mocking her with that last one. "I could be a bit over-dramatic."

Faith laughed with her and nodded. "Yeah, yeah... you sure could."

"Well, I just wanted everything to be perfect. And I hadn't quite figured everything out yet. But, I think it served me well in the end, thank you."

"You know, last night Angel and I went through some of the old photos from back then."

"Oh yeah?"

She nodded happily. "Yeah, it's so funny to look back at all of them. Especially ones in which you two had been assigned to be the couple or at least one half of it," she laughed again. "You both look so annoyed. He wants to be hiding behind his lens, you wanting to be running the show."

"I did make for one lousy bride, didn't I? I think that maybe I knew, even then, that I was much better at being on the outside."

"Maybe you just haven't found your right guy?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Don't even get me started on that subject."

OoOoO

"People are talking."

"People are known to do that from time to time."

Faith rolled her eyes and entered the room, shutting the door behind her. "I hope I'm not the cause, well, the full cause or anything of this insanity bestowed upon the world of the great Liam Angelus O'Connor," she said dramatically. "I mean, I am fully aware of your man-whoring ways you know, and as much of a fan of it I might not be, I get it."

"Point please?"

She sighed, taking a seat. "I'm just saying... I don't want to impose on you."

"You're not. Well, you are, but you're not. Don't worry about it."

"Angel, you're legendary around here to these morons, to other morons out there in the real world. You're famous for it. This whole thing you've got going on... practically never going home alone, for never taking the same woman home twice, your meet-ups here at the office, and, well, anywhere for that matter. And people are starting to worry. And notice. And talk. I don't want to put a dent in your... lifestyle here or anything."

"It's fine, Faith. I'm fine. There is more to me than my extensive sexual track record, you know."

"That's not what I was implying at all." Faith sighed. "You're not like sick or anything are you?"

Angel turned around to glare at her. "No, Faith, I am not. Thanks."

She threw her hands up. "Sorry. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on is all."

"Is it really that big of a deal?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"I don't know. Is it?"

OoOoO

Angel was beyond glad when the time for his next appointment rolled around, it gave him an excuse to get away from Faith and Lorne and everyone and their sticking their nose in his business.

He could hardly explain what had been going on with him the past few months, especially these past few weeks since Faith arrived, to himself let alone anybody else.

How did he explain that this life he was leading just wasn't the one he wanted he anymore. That this life he did love, that he'd worked so hard for, it just wasn't working. That he wanted more, wanted something else.

He had fully enjoyed it, for the most part... the partying, the boozing, the sex, the adventures, the admiration... He had loved the feeling of going somewhere, having a good time, catching some strangers eye, taking her home and having his way with her, then bragging about it the next day. He had loved women tracking him down, showing up at his work, giving him another go. He loved the attention, from the women and those watching the show.

Until he didn't.

Until it became a chore, until it became boring, until it became the only thing keeping him for a breakdown.

He had given up his office sexcapades, but until Faith showed up, he had still brought some nameless, faceless girl home every night so he wasn't bombarded with feelings he didn't understand, thoughts filled with disgust and regret. He used Faith as an excuse in some ways to stop, but she didn't take it away... in fact, he was pretty sure she made it worse sometimes.

He wanted more than this. He wanted something that mattered.

One day, he stepped away from the camera and looked beyond the lens... and he saw these people, these couples. He saw what they had, he saw their lives. He looked beyond a snapshot and into the rest of the world. He didn't know exactly how he was going to get... whatever it was he was searching for... but he'd finally made up his mind that he could try for it at the very least.

Only he had no idea how to even start.

OoOoO

"Sometimes I forget that you're actually good for a thing or two around here," Buffy commented as she looked over his latest shots.

"Well, gee, thanks, Buf. If only I could say the same about you," he said with a tilted head and a smile.

"Children," Lorne warned and they both rolled their eyes and went back to looking at the photo-covered tabled.

"Which one did you like best again?"

Angel moved closer to her, putting his arm around her and holding her side as he reached around to grab the correct one. "Here."

Buffy swallowed and let her gaze drift from his hand touching her around to his face which was dangerously close to her at the moment. "Thanks," she breathed before shaking herself back into reality and stepping out of his grasp, turning her attention to the photo in her hand.

She hated those moments, those few and far between moments, where she forgot that she was no longer that little girl drooling over him. Those moments when she forgot all that had happened to all but destroy that little girl.

Angel let his hand drop to his side and his eyes down to the floor, stepping away from the table as she worked.

He hated when she got that look in her eye, like she suddenly remembered everything he'd done wrong to her all over again. She quickly hid it, no surprise, that's what she did, what she always did, but he saw glimpses of it.

Sure, they fought like cats and dogs, sometimes being horrendously vile to one another, but nothing could compare to the past.

After figuring out which photos to show the couple, the three of them sat down and went over their schedules.

OoOoO

Angel didn't find himself going home alone that night.

"Okay, okay. Point taken," Faith grumbled the next morning, making a disgusted face at the girl passed out naked on the couch.

It took him a moment to remember their talk from the day before.

'Right," he grumbled, feeling disgusted with himself.

OoOoO

"Angel, what a surprise," Lorne greeted as the photographer came into his office. "You do realize you're not supposed to be working today, right?"

"Yeah," he answered and sighed, taking a seat. "I had to get some blonde out of my house. She wouldn't go though so I just made up an excuse about work... then once I got away from her... well, I had nowhere else to go so..." he shrugged. "Plus, I did some thinking... and I think that I'm going to need some help."

"Oh? Help with what exactly?"

"I don't know," he answered with another sigh, rubbing a hand down his face. "I just... I don't know how to go about all of this, how to actually make this change or whatever happen. I'm not just talking about last night but, you know, trying to move forward. Or whatever."

Lorne sat back in his chair and looked his friend over for a moment.

His eyes were staring up at the ceiling, he was practically laying in the chair, rolling it from side-to-side.

"Well, if you're shooting for this whole family man image... you're probably going to need to start with the girl."

"I don't know how."

Lorne laughed.

Angel stopped spinning but didn't look down. "I don't know how to get to know someone, ask someone out on a date, how to date. I don't know how that works. I don't know how these date timelines progress, what to do or whatever."

"You've dated before."

"Not really. I mean, yes, I had girlfriends in high school and college but I don't think those exactly count. The closest thing I ever had to that was with Buffy. And even then... I was fucking that up. There was the fact she was in high school and I was in college and our dates were of that, then there was the fact I was dating two other girls at the same time just in a lesser scale. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to date, to be in a committed relationship. I don't know how to be faithful to someone."

"Angel..." Lorne started to say something but nothing else would come. They all usually made it a point to not talk about these things, especially the former relationship of his two favorite employees. Nothing good could ever come of it. "You do realize you're asking 'me' about how to talk to girls right?" he finally joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Angel chuckled. "Hey, you're all I got." He sat up and just looked around the room for awhile. "Guess I can talk to Faith about it, too. Not that that is something I'm going to want to do or look forward to."


	4. Chapter 4

The vehicles were all filled with silence as the group headed toward the hospital.

There had been a bittersweet mix at the office over the past few days as everyone got their assignments together as quickly as they could and tried to prepare themselves for all that was to come... in every sense.

Buffy felt Lorne wrap his arm around her shoulder and tilted her head to look up at him, both sharing a sad smile and blinked back tears.

They waited for everyone else still left to join them, took a deep breathe, then headed inside.

OoOoO

Entering the room, Buffy smiled and hurried to hug Wesley then made her way over to the bed to Fred, congratulating them both and everyone else followed in line doing the same.

Buffy felt her heart breaking more and more with every passing second. It just wasn't fair, the hand these two had been dealt.

They had met when Fred was still in high school, Wes a young college student who had come to speak at her school with one of his professors. He'd been in town for a few weeks and became friends with her, though she'd been seeing someone at the time.

A few short years later their paths had crossed again, this time at a party. She'd come to visit a friend and tagged along. She and her high school boyfriend had broken up and she wasn't serious with anyone at the time but this time he was. They'd spotted each other at the get-together, spoke and caught up, then went their separate ways.

That was, until life threw them back together once more.

Within the same month the two of them found themselves living in the same town and working at the same company.

Unfortunately, their office had a rule against co-workers having relations... so, for awhile... they remained friends. But when they realized how badly they wanted more, Wesley quit the magazine and decided to pursue a career in teaching. He was still writing on his own free time, this time focusing on his own novels which is another life long dream he'd had.

Fred stayed at the magazine, she did like it there, neither of them had any issue with the company itself, only that one small problem about not allowing them to see one another. So, when that was out of the way... they went for it.

It was three months later when they began to notice Fred getting increasingly sick. She put it off for another month before Wes finally talked her into going to see a doctor as she was only getting worse.

They admitted her, ran their tests, had her stay the night... then, the news came out mid-afternoon the next day.

She was terminal. And there wasn't much much chance she'd even live to see six more months.

But she had.

She'd been fighting for over a year now. But now it seemed she'd lost the upper hand. Her doctors weren't even sure she'd make it through another months. If that.

Wesley had asked her to marry him once before, and was given an enthusiastic yes as an answer. They'd come to Forever Yours and began throwing out ideas, though it was quite a ways off, Fred had a certain date in mind for the two of them.

When she began to get sick again, she gave him back his ring, but Wes never left her side. No matter how hard she tried to push him. He stopped bringing up the wedding and any major plans to the future when he noticed how bad it would upset her, but he wasn't giving up.

When he had to bring her back in the day before, he sat beside her, watched as they ran their new tests, listened as they gave them even more bad news, held her as she fell apart, let her hold him as he fell apart. Then he asked her for her hand once more. And didn't take no for an answer.

It wasn't going to be the wedding she had wanted, that she'd had planned in her head, when she wanted it, how exactly she wanted it... but he was going to give it to her.

And they were all going to do their best to make it be even better than what she had imagined before. They had to.

This was their friend. This was a couple they knew, they loved, they all cared about. And these were the kind of people, the kind of magic that this company was made for.

Sure, every single wedding they had put together meant something but these were what made them truly appreciate it and know they were doing something good in the world.

At her request, Buffy climbed into the bed next to Fred and hugged her close once more after laying her bag and laptop down, holding her files on her lap.

Their small ground all huddled into the room, taking seats or standing against the wall.

Buffy watched as Angel excused himself out of the room to go find some more for everyone. Wes went to go help him.

"I'm sorry," Fred whispered into Buffy's ear, "I realize we picked the worse possible day for this for you."

Buffy leaned back and looked at her in complete confusion. Her mind was so muddled these days.

It did finally hit her though when Fred gestured with her eyes and she thought through the chaos and fog. She gave herself only a half of a second to feel anything for herself before giving a small smile to her friend. "Please don't think of it that way or worry about it all," she whispered back. "I'm fine. And I'm happy for you. I'm glad we could come in and do this for you."

She found herself unable to look in Angel's direction after that, though.

OoOoO

Angel felt... well, there wasn't any real way to explain just what he was feeling.

As with everyone else, he was happy for these people he'd come to be friends with but heartbroken over what was happening otherwise to them.

He also felt so out of place as he sat there for the meeting. He knew he'd been feeling off in every which way one could probably think of these days, but this was a new kind added to the mix with everything else.

He got sick of his lifestyle. His sister showed up. Work was unusually stressful for this time of year. He had started trying out relationships.

He dated a few times, then grew semi-serious with one of the ladies though nothing felt right. He knew he was staying for nothing but wrong reasons, like not wanting to admit failure, being afraid he was never going to find anyone... so on and so forth, but there he was.

He'd noticed Buffy began up her own new relationship, looking like it was getting a little more serious by the day as well, though hers seemed to be on track. Much better than his. And it bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

Then he'd put that off as it being this time of year. He'd always been unable to fully push everything out of his mind, unable to keep it all from pushing it's way to the front of everything else. He was disgusted with himself that he didn't even know the date in which she'd lost their child, only the general time frame.

And this year seemed to be harder than any before it, for a number of reasons. And it was shaking him up.

Then there was everything between these two. And it was just a lot going on.

He'd had a lot of experience when it came to losing people, he just never lost anyone like this before. He'd never witnessed someone he loved becoming ill and watching them fade away. He'd dealt a lot with death, but not... this.

OoOoO

When Fred became too tired to talk business anymore, everyone said their goodbyes, congratulated them both once more, sent their well wishes, promised to see them both soon and so on.

Buffy sighed, still in bed with her friend, watching Lorne take Wesley out into the hall for a final word. She laced her fingers together with the brunette and just sat there for a long moment. "Have I ever told you how glad I am you decided to show up at your cousins wedding?" she asked softly, making them both smile.

The two of them got lost in thought and soothing conversation of the events that lead to their own meeting. A wedding being planned, an invitation being sent, the evening going down, a certain guest arriving.

Fred had ended up writing an article about their group and everything just continued to snowball from there. They became close, both professionally and personally. All of them really. Their entire staff adored both Fred and Wesley and Fred's magazine had always been very warm to them, their staff always very friendly, too.

There'd been the wedding, then article, a thank you basket, a dinner and the rest was history.

Buffy stopped mid-sentence when she heard Fred let out a small snore. Buffy leaned her head against her friends and silently promised her she'd make everything perfect for them.

After brushing her hair out of her face and kissing her temple, Buffy slowly removed herself from Fred's side and gathered her things up. She gave one last long look before writing a note and walking out of the room.

Lorne and Wes were still talking though Lorne said he'd be right down. Buffy hugged the British man quickly and told him to call her if... if he needed to talk... about anything, if something happened... whatever the case, then left them alone to take care of their business.

She hurried to the elevator and breathed a sigh when everyone cleared out. She hurried to press her floor and prayed no one would be joining her as she didn't know how much longer she could hold it together.

When a hand came flying between the closing doors, Buffy already had the first few escaped tears running down her face, but when it was Angel who stepped in to join her, she couldn't help herself. She fell down to the floor and curled her knees up to her chest and bean crying her heart out.


	5. Chapter 5

Angel hadn't wanted to hold everyone up, but he badly needed a few moments to himself after the meeting with Wesley and Fred.

He gave his keys to one of the co-workers who had rode in with him and told them to go ahead and pile in, saying that he needed to use the restroom and see if he could find a vending machine. Which was true, he had also really needed to pee and did find a vending machine before catching the elevator.

After using the restroom, Angel washed his hands then splashed some water on his face and took several more minutes than he'd intended in there trying to get himself together.

Two male nurses had even tried to check him out as he was looking so ill.

When he finally felt brave enough to face the world, Angel walked a few halls over until he found the vending machines. He was a bit thirsty so was happy to grab a soda but he only added the chips and a snack cake because he felt he should eat something, not because he wanted to. He honestly wasn't sure he could but he knew he should probably try.

Next, Angel headed back the other way and ran to catch the closing doors of the elevator.

OoOoO

Angel felt like he'd just been sucker punched in the stomach as his eyes landed on her, only to get worse as he took a closer look at her face, her eyes, then felt he was ready to hit the floor just as she did.

Angel watched as she slid down to the floor, huddling her small body in the corner, shaking with sobs feeling as though he was going to throw up at any moment.

He almost jumped out his skin as the doors shut them in this small space together and made some dinging and vibrating noises as it went about its business.

And before he even knew what he was doing, Angel's hand shot out to the button board and pressed the next floor down before trading the snacks in his arms for his ex-girlfriend.

"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded as he bent to the ground beside her, wrapping his arms around her. She swatted at him when she felt herself rising and then being carried out a few moments later.

Angel ignored her and proceeded through the hallways searching for a quiet place to take her to.

Giving up, he eventually decided on one of the smaller waiting rooms he found on the floor. It wasn't ideal, wasn't very closed off but he figured it would do. There were only a handful of visitors so it wasn't too hard to find a small space in the corner, out of the way of everything, at least the best they could do right now.

He carefully sat her down in one of the chairs, ignoring the looks she was shooting him, and then plopped down beside her.

Buffy remained still, quiet and glaring for a long breathe before everything seemed to come crashing back down on her once more. She pulled her legs up into the chair with her, once again pushing up to her knees against her chest as the tears began falling freely, choking as she tried to breathe through it all.

Angel tried to reach his hand back out to her but she slapped him away. He sighed and looked at the ground, running his palms nervously down his thighs and shifted in his seat.

He didn't even know why he was trying. Or, well, truthfully he did he just knew it was a dumb mistake. Just like it was the one and only other time where he tried to be comforting to her since... everything.

He wasn't going to let it go so easily this time though.

"Look, Buf..."

"Angel," she choked out, "please just shut up and go away."

He sighed again. His mind went reeling back to a shitload of memories, better times before everything that happened happened.

He could play countless times this scene had played out between them in his head, times where he'd do exactly this when she'd needed him to, picking her up out of some situation and carrying her off to some place safe so she, or they together, could work it out. He could see clear as day when he'd run an interruption for her and give her a way out of some sticky situation, where she'd be hurt and he'd take her some place and get her clean up, where she'd fall apart like this and he'd help hide her from the world while she let the tears run out. There had always been a way, there had always been somewhere he could take her and it just be the two of them for a little while when she needed it.

Angel shifted once again in the chair, situating himself so he could lean his neck against the back of it. "We used to be friends, Buffy," he said softly, his head tilted her way.

This pissed her off to no end but it also squeezed her heart all the more, making the tears fall harder.

"I just..." he sighed. "I thought you could use a few minutes to yourself. She's... Fred's your friend, one of your best friends, Wes too and I... I thought you could maybe use a quiet moment to let it out and gather yourself back up. And... I don't know... I just... I used to be your friend... and used to be there for you... and..."

"Angel, I appreciate what you're trying to do," she whispered, hiccuping through it, "but I just can't with you okay? I can't deal with... you. Not today."

"Buffy..."

"Angel, please? I'm begging you to just leave me alone for one day. This day. This one day. Just please."

Angel closed his eyes and moved his head to face forward, titled up at the ceiling. The tone of her voice, that look in her eyes, the hand that seemed to instinctively move to her stomach all day whenever he'd speak or move or do much of anything suddenly came to him... He got the message. But he didn't move away.

"I didn't know it was today," he finally spoke after several minutes.

Buffy made a strangled noise at him. "You don't even remember what day it was?" she asked but then wanted to kick herself a half second later. One, she shouldn't have been surprised, Two, she never wanted to talk about this with him. Especially not right now.

Angel's eyes popped open and he glared her way. He made himself take a deep breathe before responding. "You never told me what day it was," he still gritted out some before softening, "And I never asked."

She made another noise. "I called you and told you..."

"No," he butted in, his voice still soft and his pain obviously shining through, "Buffy, you called me and left me a message, that's true, but you just flippantly passed it along that you'd... uh... you know... 'the other day.' You didn't specify anything to me about it."

Buffy went quiet this time, her mind going back to that time.

She didn't fully remember the call she'd made, or much of anything from that general time except the major events, but she figured she'd probably done something like that after giving it some thought.

"I wasn't even going to tell you, you know," she all but whispered, wiping at her tear-stained face, looking away from him and at the wall beside her, "I knew you didn't care, but I couldn't stop myself anyway. I figured you should know I guess."

"I'm glad that you did... And... Buf, it's not that I didn't care..."

"Yes, it is," she cut in, her voice harder. "You never cared about anything."

"That's not true."

Buffy felt fresh, burning tears spilling from her eyes again and angrily wiped them away as well. "You were my best friend, Angel. You were my entire fucking world," she told him. "One day, there we were, both standing outside in our yards, each with our mothers. I start yelling over to you, you yell back. And guess what? You become the first friend that I ever make."

Angel started to talk but she wouldn't let him get a word in.

"A few short years later, our parents start letting us go over to one's another's houses. That way we could hang out and play and do whatever. You become my goddamn best friend all the fucking more, Angel."

Angel sighed.

"You beat up Jack O'Toole for teasing me on the bus my first day of school. You were my first and only crush. I spent my entire young adult life being your little sidekick. Being the girl next door. The best friend who was pining after her best friend. Her best friend who, as he grew older, became 'that guy.' You were the best friend who never noticed I was in love with him, as he was too bust turning into 'that guy.'"

Angel shifted in his seat.

"You were a few years older than me. You were popular. And every girl who laid eyes on you would swoon over you. They had ever since the damn day you were born. And one you got passed the whole girls and cooties stage of childhood, you became the guy who would chase after anything that crossed your path. Except me!"

Buffy angrily wiped away the latest strands of tears from her face. She was starting to shake again.

"And me? I watched you be this person. I watched as you did... what you do. Then. Then! One day, you finally did see me. Hell, it was that fucking Hollywood moment. The moment were the boy best friend wises up to all that has been in front of him the entire goddamn time. My wish seemingly had come true."

Buffy laughed.

"Only... it didn't. The movies all leave you with this happy ending, they don't show the real truth. They don't show that no one ever really changes. That the boy finally sees the girl, but it's not enough. She's not enough. They don't show that the girl doesn't changes. They don't show that he ends up just fucking her over, too."

"Buffy..."

"And here, as I witness you move on from one girl to the next to the next. As I watch you leave a trail of broken hearts. As I watch you do everything you did to me countless times to everyone else... I'm just as much to blame for it all. Because my dumbass should have known better. But guess what? My dumbass didn't. I was stupid enough, cocky enough, to believe that I could change you. Just as every other dumbass girl before me had thought, too. And given what you and I had? What we had always had? I thought that it meant something more. But it didn't. It didn't mean anything."

"Buffy..."

She shook her head.

"I was dumb enough to believe you would change for me, Angel. For us. That little ol' me would be enough for you."

Buffy laughed bitterly at that.

"But, of course, I wasn't. I found out the truth. And I was... I was so... so stupid. I was stupid enough not to even care. I mean... I did... but I didn't. I was that fucking in love with you, Angel. I sat there and I told you that it was fine. I told you that you could do whatever you wanted and with whomever you wanted. Just as long as I didn't lose you."

Buffy shook her head again.

"But I did. I did anyway. Because you didn't even want me at all. No, you just cast me the fuck aside. And not only that. Not only did you throw me away as if I were nothing. But you then took every opportunity you could find to throw it in my face after that. And you had never, not once, done anything like that with anyone else. But you sure did it with me."

"Buf..."

"So. Not only was I wrong about... well... everything. But then there was this. I thought that I might mean more, but it turns out that I had managed to scrap the bottom of the barrel with you, Angelus. You treated me worse than anyone. And then... when I found out that I was pregnant. When I came to tell you?"

Buffy thought she was going to throw up.

"The... the things you said to me, Angel. And what you did to me after that point. Fuck! I thought it had been bad before... but you just went and took it to a new level after that. Every opportunity you got, you managed to say something hurtful to me. You managed to throw in my face whoever you were screwing that week. Went out of your way to point out to me how much you didn't give a shit about any of it. About me. About us. About the baby. About what you were doing to me. You set out to me in any which way you could come up with."

"I..."

"Then, then when I finally... finally get tired of it. When it got to the point where I couldn't take anymore. I come to you, crying, begging you to stop. And you... you were just... you were awful to me that night. Then... the next fucking thing I know, you're gone. You left school. You left town. You left."

Buffy hugged her legs even closer to her body, remembering.

"The one and only time that we spoke was when I called you three weeks later. Letting you know that I had lost the baby. And you... you never came. You never showed up. You never called, never wrote. You never told me that you were sorry. Hell, you never said that you were fucking happy that I lost the baby and praise Jesus for it. You never asked how I was. You never once checked up on me. You. Weren't. There. I never fucking saw you or heard from you again until that wedding, until you started working for us. So, yeah, Angel, I'm pretty sure that it's safe to say that you never fucking cared and nothing ever mattered to you."

And after letting a good majority of everything she'd been bottling up for years, Buffy pushed herself out of that seat as quickly as she possibly could and ran off.


	6. Chapter 6

Angel wasn't sure how long he'd remained in that seat, staring off behind the long gone blonde who had done an excellent job of reminding him how much of a fuck up he had been and to this day still was. But he did find himself finally snapped out of his daze by some older woman's voice as she spoke to, as he learned, her son.

Cringing, he turned his head to take her in, wishing he wouldn't have. She looked just about as she sounded, though she sure did the job.

Shaking his head, he faced forward again, doing his best to block her out again and focused on what had happened earlier.

After replaying it in his head a good number of times, Angel let out a shaky breath followed by a muttered slow and drawn out "Fuck."

His back popped a few times when he stood and his hands began reaching for his cell phone as he started walking out of the small waiting room, heading for the stairs this time. He didn't feel up to the idea of what would happen if he went back to the elevator right now.

He cursed under his breath once more as he walked through the hallway, dodging wandering patients, family members of the admitted, nurses, doctors as he looked over how many missed calls he'd had. Given he'd been in here, the phone had been turned off, but he was low on caring about that at this point.

Slamming the door open to the stairwell, Angel pushed his phone up to ear to check the many voicemail messages he'd been left. He had a good idea the majority of these were going to be from Lorne.

The first many were from the small group he'd driven here, but like he'd suspected most were from his boss. And those messages ran from irritated, annoyed, upset to worried. There were also two other random ones that he had but he deleted one the second he heard the first word and saved the other for a later time. He also cut his listening in half, stopping to call a cab company after he heard the news that they'd actually left without him. Taking his friggin' car.

'Who does that?' he wondered angrily in his mind.

Then, after he got everything straightened out with the cab, he returned to his messages. He knew it probably would have been smart to actually return the calls but he wasn't quite ready for that just yet.

OoOoO

When the cab pulled up, Angel rethought his decision not to call Faith for a ride.

He now wished he would have. After all, the idea of not doing so just to avoid her line of question was most likely useless as she was one of them now and sooner or later, bets on sooner, she'd find out everything, if she hadn't already.

But, it was a little too late for that so he got in with a grimace and directed the creepy looking dude toward his building.

OoOoO

The whole ride long, Angel could only think about Buffy. About their past, about the million things he could have and wished he would have done differently, what had happened back at the hospital, and what the hell was going to happen now. He wanted to talk to her, needed to, but he wasn't clear on what exactly he should say.

What was less clear is if he'd even get the chance.

Buffy had done an excellent job of avoiding ever bringing up anything that had to with their past until today.

He had actually tried to talk to her before, a handful of times, never really putting his heart and soul into it or anything but he tried... though nothing like this. Never anything so serious, not like he was trying to script out in his head. He'd ranged from passing jokes, subtle or blatant mentions, even trying to apologize once but she'd never budge and wouldn't let him do or say anything and then would all but disappear until enough time had passed for everything to fade away.

Part of him did hope that's what would happen now, but there were things she obviously needed to be told. And, after all this time, it all needed to be said and brought up finally.

It just wasn't healthy for them. For either of them. Keeping all that shit inside like this, trying to bury it without closure of any sort.

OoOoO

He didn't exactly have any sort of better handle on the situation by the time they pulled up to the building.

With a sigh, he paid the man and got out slowly.

As he got closer, he searched the parking lot for his car, doing his best to inspect it from where he was. Thankfully, he didn't see any damage from here but would certainly be taking a closer look later.

He wasn't exactly big on letting other people drive his vehicles. Especially without his actual and elite permission.

Unlike at the hospital, Angel took the elevator, gripping the side rail as he thought about his heartbroken ex. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got to the correct floor and hurried out, almost running over his boss in the process. "Shit, sorry Lorne."

Lorne made a face, before making a completely different one and sighed. "Angelcakes, I meant to call you again... but I think that was right before our Miss Jones decided to call in and she just went on and on like she does..."

"Lorne, I really gotta go here."

"She's not here."

Angel stopped mid-step and let his head drop before turning around. "She told you?" Lorne made a 'duh' face this time. "Of course she did. I was only trying to help..."

"I know that, and she does too. This is all just really hard for her, with the day and this month and her mom and Fred and Wes and everything. Then bringing it up... and finally... you know... I took her home and told her to take a few days and you know what? I'll tell you the same. I love you both dearly and I know this is a very touchy area. You can continue to work if you'd like, you know how to reach me, but I think staying out of the office and just trying to take it easy... might be a good idea."

"Fuck!" Angel let out a few moments later, loud enough to earn some glances, including a knowing one of his raven-haired employer. "Look, I get it. Us being under the same roof has been trying, to say the least, and I have no idea how this is going to effect anything or if even will, though I think it's safe to say it will, and I know she needs her space right now but I'm just letting you know now that I have to talk to her."

Lorne didn't know what to say. For a number of reasons. The look on his friends' face was the biggy though. There hadn't been many see-through moments like this over the years so he usually didn't put too much behind it, but he couldn't help it right now.

He didn't want to see either of them hurt, especially Buffy. He_ was_ officially on Team Buffy when it came down to the wire, but he did and always had cared about them both more than anything in this world.

He knew what they were both searching for was each other, they just didn't know it. And it wasn't his place to tell them, least not until the right moment. Another thing he'd never truly expected to happen but then Angel had his apparent epiphany or whatever and... who knew.

He didn't know what would happen though. They'd spent so much time fighting like cats and dogs, ignoring the past, acting out these roles they'd created for themselves... this could potential just turn very, very ugly.

All over again.

OoOoO

After no one answered, Angel pushed his ear up to the apartment door and faintly heard some noise from inside. Stepping back, he returned to pounding on the door, louder with each knock. He'd almost ended up hitting some strange woman on the face when she'd open the door which immediately reminded him that Buffy had moved.

"Shit," he rushed out, "sorry, wrong place," and took off back to his car.

He'd only been here once before, uninvited of course. He'd just happened to be coming back from a late meeting with Lorne and needed him so together they came. Much to her annoyance.

Anytime she'd need to actually meet up with him, which wasn't very often, she always choose somewhere else to meet him. She wouldn't invite him and wouldn't ever accept the idea of going to his place. He did, however, have her updated address around, finding it after digging through his glove box and the small booklet with his lovely co-workers information.

He knew the general area pretty well but did get lost as he drew closer, or at least what he'd thought was closer. Using his phone to navigate he did eventually find the damn place.

Hurrying out of his car, he sprinted up to the door, tapping quickly, waiting about five seconds, then doing it again.

She sucked in a breathe as she opened it to find him, of all people, standing there.

Angel felt his heart tightening again as he stared at her. She was a complete wreck right now.

"I know I don't deserve it," he said softly, "but can I please talk to you for a minute? I'll never bring any of this up again if you want... just please hear me out, just this once? Please?"

Angel was willing to beg on his hands and knees for this once shot, once chance. Just to try and talk to her, truthfully. Even if just for five minutes.


	7. Chapter 7

Angel sat nervously on Buffy's couch. A thick silence hung in the air between and around them.

Angel swallowed loudly then looked over the place that Buffy was now calling home.

It was a rather large townhome that she'd taken into these days. It looked very pen, very beautiful. It spoke a lot of the girl that he'd once known. The one who he rarely got to see now, hell, that anyone rarely got to see these days.

Taking a deep breathe, Angel finally looked over to her.

"I don't have an excuse for anything that I did or that I have done, Buffy," he began. His voice was soft, hoarse.

He was sure that at any moment his throat was going to completely close up on him, and he would suffocate. Which, seemed rather fitting actually.

"I could give you plenty, though. I could give you a ton of theories. And in a way, some might even help explain it all. But I don't know if they are actually the correct, or the whole, truth behind it all. Buffy, to be honest, I don't know how it all got here. How I got here. I don't know what exactly it was that pushed me to be this way."

Angel sighed, sitting back just a bit.

"I guess... the easiest cop out version would be the whole my family screwed me the fuck up line. That there is a time when people like me, who had the life and the family I did, are faced with a choice. That you can either do everything possible to keep yourself from turning into your wretched parents... or, you follow right in their footsteps. And I think it's pretty easy to tell which road I decided that I'd take."

Buffy sighed. "Angel, you're not either of your parents."

"Maybe not exactly, but I am pretty damn close," he responded. "Which is pretty sick, given how much I hated the both of them, each for their own twisted reasons. And here I am, not all that different now when you look at it all. I'm as damaged as my mom. I have spent my entire life thinking that I wasn't worth anything and purposefully fucking every good thing that ever came my way. And I'd spent my whole life being told that I was just going to wind up just like my father. And here, instead of fighting it, instead of trying to prove to everyone, including and mostly to myself, that that was wrong, I pretty much became the spitting image of him. Inside and out. I'm sure he'd be proud of me," Angel added, with a bitter laugh.

Angel clenched and unclenched his hands several times.

"I don't know how many times that I tried to change back then. Back whenever something wound up happening with us. I just... I wouldn't let myself. And afterward.. I just stopped trying to give a shit about it all. A very large part of me doesn't even now and I have no idea why I'm even trying. I have this idea in my head but I know I'll never actually get it. And that makes me want it all the more, and it also makes me push it away all the more, all at the same time. 'Cause that's what I do. That's what I did with you."

Angel reached over to the small side table and grabbed the glass of water she'd gotten him before they'd come in here. He was sure it was just her acting on reflex but he was thankful for it right now.

Sitting the glass down, he leaned back deep into the couch and stared at his hands.

"I really don't remember the exact moment when I started looking at you differently, when you went from being my best friend to something more, but it did. In a big, goddamn way. You don't think that I noticed you, but I did. I always did. I didn't want to, but I did. And it scared the shit out of me. You were the only person I really had, Buf. No matter what, you were always there. You believed in me. No matter what I did, you believed in me. But I never could. You spent years telling me I was better than this, better than the shit I was pulling, better than I ever thought I was. And in a way, that made it worse on other things. Because I couldn't make you see it. I knew that I wasn't ever going to good enough for you and I knew that I would fuck everything up. I had to, that's what I did."

"Angel..."

"Even before... before I realized what I felt toward you, before I even knew what I was saying... my gut knew it. I remember getting into fights on the playground whenever we were younger all the times because of classmates playfully teasing over the idea that you were my girlfriend, or that I liked you, way back then. And to me, even then, it was like some insult to you. It wasn't the teasing me over the idea I had a girlfriend, but the idea that the thought you'd lower yourself to me that just pissed me off. And as we got older, it didn't get any easier. And when I did begin to realize everything... that's when I choose this path of mine."

Angel shook his head, remember too many things, too strongly.

"I wanted to distance those people from the idea of trying to degrade you, as I saw it in my mind. I wanted to push you away from it as much as I was afraid of losing you over it all. I wanted to push out all the feelings I started to realize I had toward you that went well beyond friendly. I wanted a distraction, for myself, for you, for everyone around us. I wasn't trying to hurt you in that way, in making you feel like I wanted everyone else but you... I was just trying to show you that I was a fucking mess and that I would ruin this. I was trying to show you that I wasn't better, that this was what I was destined to be."

Angel's hands wrung together and he looked down at them.

"Then... that summer came. You went to go stay with your grandparents up in Kansas and that was the longest time you and I had spent apart from one another since we'd met. And the entire time... you were the only thing that I could ever seem to think about. I missed you so goddamn much. And when you finally came home... everything just seemed to change. Just like that. How I felt changed, it'd grown into something more, something that I couldn't even ignore anymore. Something that I couldn't gain control over. And you... it was like you grew up within those short summer months and I couldn't look at you as this little girl anymore. We'd made plans to do something the next day but when I couldn't sleep, I ended up running across the road and climbing up into your room to tell you how much I'd missed you. You asked me to stay with you when I tried to leave, not that I actually wanted to, you told me that you'd missed me too. I climbed into bed, wrapped my arms around you and spent the night like that."

Angel looked over to her under his eyelashes, seeing her nod, her face lost in the memory with him. It felt like it'd been a whole lifetime ago now.

"The... the first thing that I did that next morning was roll myself over on top of you and kissed you until we were both breathless and gasping for air. And that... was when it all started. Before school started back up, you and me... we were official. There was an overwhelming amount of this to worry about... the fact that I continued to expect myself to mess everything up, our age difference back then, our parents and everything else. And it wasn't easy. Every day, Buffy, every day I fell more in love with you and every day I felt this sickening pull to run away from you before I made a mess of everything that we ever were. I tried to the right thing, either way you look at it. I tried to do right by you and in being with you. Then I tried what I thought was the right thing in walking away."

Angel swallowed.

"But you... you just wouldn't let me. And I truly wouldn't let myself either. Even when my head was always telling me that was what I needed to do and that it'd be for the best. I was trying to change my path but it keep dragging me back to it. I felt like a fraud. And it was suffocating me. I realized that I had every thing in the world that I wanted, I was happy, and I fucking just lost it."

Angel felt the emotions hit him all over, just as he had so many years ago.

"I was having lunch when everything just slammed into me harder than ever before. And as luck would have it, my mom came back to town that night. She was drunk off her ass, back from fucking up her latest relationship that she'd run off to have and everything as she did, and after a conversation with her... it just kept piling up somehow. The next thing I knew I was knocking on one of my 'ex's' doors and spending the night with her."

Angel felt sick thinking about it, remembering

"I woke up the next morning, with her, a fucking wreck. I honestly made myself sick, having to rush to her bathroom and later just having a nervous breakdown. I started panicking... which apparently woke her up, and I started grabbing up my clothes and telling her I needed to go and that she needed to forget this ever happened... which she wasn't having any of. She threatened to tell you and as much as I knew you deserved to know I didn't want you to, I didn't want you to be hurt like that, so continuing with this fuck up, I ended up agreeing to do whatever she wanted as long as she kept you out of it. We were seen one night by a friend of hers who later decided to pull the same tricks and I just... I don't know why I did it... I could have come clean to you, at so many different points and times but I... I didn't. Then you found out..."

He saw Buffy make a face, knowing she was remembering that particular incident as well.

He sighed.

"In a way, I was so fucking relieved. But I was also... I don't actually think there's a word to describe it really. I hadn't wanted to hurt you... I knew it was pretty much as bad as it could get and I guess I always knew somehow you'd always find out... but I couldn't face you and tell you. I was a coward about that. Before, I was so afraid you'd be hurt and you'd hate me, but after seeing you... that's all I wanted, I wanted you to hate me with everything you had. But you fucking didn't."

Angel's tone had grown just a tad harsher.

"Days later... you fucking show up, saying you forgive me, that it's okay. That you still fucking want to be with me, even if I chose to continue with them, or with anyone else also. And I couldn't even... it was too fucking much. You were too fucking much. You loved me enough to see me through that. You were so fucking damaged by me that you were willing to, and you were willing to accept the idea that you just hadn't been good enough or whatever and I just... I needed you to fucking stop. Because in no fucking goddamn way was that the case. Not once. Not for one single second."

Angel felt his throat tightening up again, tears building up on him, threatening to spill.

"The hardest thing that I ever had to do... started that night. Because I needed, more than ever, to get you to understand everything you refused so hard at. And that was the only way I knew how to. You wouldn't respond to me telling you, or anyone else. Or what common fucking sense would scream at you. You ignored pleading from me to get you to be smart about everything. So... I just played off what I knew would actually get to you."

Angel felt ashamed thinking about it all.

"Even as much as it all killed me. I did it. And sure enough, little by little, it worked. I broke you. And right when I thought it was all complete, that I had you on the right damn path... you show up at my dorm. Which I'd moved into it as I couldn't stand to be in that house anymore. Or that close to you anymore. And you drop the news on me that you're pregnant. That somehow I had managed to fuck everything up even worse than I could have even imagined. I'd already taken everything I could from you... so anything past that point was just for me. Just me trying to prove everything I'd know all along about myself. I wasn't truly trying to punish you anymore, just myself, Buffy. Just me. But I did and when you pointed out to me how badly you were still taking everything... I wanted out. I needed out, I needed to get as far away from you and that child as possible before I did any more damage. Before I fucked up everything somehow even worse than I was doing."

Angel reached for the glass again, almost jumping out of skin when he heard a clock behind him strike the top of the hour.

Angel kept the glass in his hands, staring down into the liquid.

"I thought it was my fault," he finally whispered. "I thought... I thought that I had put too much stress on you. I thought that I hadn't wanted the baby enough. So then.. And... I hadn't. I did, yet didn't. After everything that had happened with us though... and the fact I wasn't ready, even if things wouldn't have gone... But... fuck. As soon as I played that message... I really had wanted it. That I was just denying those feelings. That deep inside of me... I wanted that baby. Our baby."

Angel's fingers danced against the glass before taking in another sip.

"I had done everything possible not to think of you after I left. Which... had included a lot of women, a lot of alcohol, and even some bouts of some hard drugs along the way. Anything to keep you off of my mind, off of what I had left behind. But I dropped the phone after hearing the news, and I followed quickly behind. I hit the floor and just fell apart over it. All I could think of was you... and the baby... and how badly I fucked it all up. I thought of how badly I wished that I could just be there for you again. Thought about all the reasons I couldn't be. Because of every thing I'd done to you. And I didn't want to make it worse."

Angel swallowed again.

"I didn't want you to blame me more than you already did. I didn't want to be told, flat out, that I was the cause of the death of our child. I didn't fucking want it to be real. And I knew... I knew if I came back, if I talked to you, then it would be. So I don't know... I put it off. I meant to say something... someday... but someday never came. Day after day passed, then on to months to years... But it wasn't that I forgot, because I couldn't. Anytime I ever had a moment to myself, a moment to think, that's all that ever seemed to be there. What once was, what I did, wondering about a million what if's, wondering about you... All I wanted was to go back and change everything, but I knew I couldn't, so I just continued to self-destruct."

He took another sip.

"To say that it was all bad, to say that I never enjoyed any of it... that would be a lie. But that wasn't the point. I just... I needed not to think. Not about you, not about the baby, not about anything. I threw myself into work long before I started working here. I gave up the hard stuff, but I continued to drink and sleep around. I couldn't go home alone I had learned or else I'd fall apart. Or I'd get some stupid idea in my head about finding you or trying to put an end to my ways or something as ridiculous as those."

Angel blanked back the tears threatening to fall and looked up at her.

"I'm a mess, Buffy and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Like I said, I don't have an excuse, a true enough reason, I don't have even have an explanation really but that's as best as I can put it. And you deserved that. I loved you and it scared me to death. I didn't deserve you. I never did. And I never would have. I cared, Buffy, and in some ways, I cared too goddamn much."

OoOoO

"I'm sorry."

Angel barely heard her whisper, but he did.

"Don't you dare apologize to me," he answered, barely able to choke the words out, the first words he'd spoken after many tense moments had passed.

When it had sunk in what she'd said, he broken into a fit of bitter laughter which quickly turned to breath stealing sobs.

"Don't you fucking dare."

Shaking badly, Buffy stood up from the chair she'd taken and crossed the room to him. She swallowed loudly before lowering herself down to his lap, sucking in a harsh breath as his eyes lifted to hers and drinking in his pain. She reached her hands out to him, pausing twice, before cupping his cheeks softly.

"Angel," she breathed, blinking her tears back, "it wasn't your fault."

There were many, many things she wanted to say to him but this was the most important, what she needed him to know over anything else.

"The... the baby... it wasn't your fault in any way that I lost it, Angel. And I never, never would have blamed you for that. No one would have. No one ever did. I never did. It was just something that happened."

"Buffy..." he breathed, slightly shaking his head. "I..."

She shook her own, holding his head between her hands just a tad tighter. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, Angel. It just happened."

"I should have been there," he whispered.

Buffy swallowed again. "I wish you would have been." She was about to continue, to explain that she understood how he felt, the guilt of not having given much thought to actually wanting the child until afterward. To explain that and also the honest relief that came with it too.

She knew without any doubt she would have love the little boy or girl with all her heart, she would have been there and raised the baby and taken care of it, but... but... she knew she didn't exactly have the best frame of mind at the time. She knew in some ways she was relieved when she had found out she'd lost it. She knew she hadn't been ready, but if it had come to be she knew she'd have done it and made it through all the same.

Buffy didn't get a chance to tell him this however.

Surprising the hell out of her, and him too, his arms wrapped around her tightly before the first sound made it's way out and pulled her to him.

Her arms quickly moved for the sides of his face to wrapping around his neck, hugging him to her all the same. One hand did sneak up to her mouth though, trying to contain the strangled sob from spilling out as he apologized over and over in whispered cries against her neck.

She wanted to hate him, wanted to continue to be nothing but furious at him, but she knew she couldn't. She didn't forgive him, not in the traditional sense, and he knew that, he said it himself he didn't expect such a thing, but... there was something.

How she wished she'd known what was troubling him so much back then... Sure, she knew his parents, mostly his horrible excuse for a mother, had managed to fuck him up. She had seen what he'd been put through, what she had thought was a lot of what he'd put himself through as well, but she never really knew it had cut him this deep.

It broke her heart into a million pieces to hear him talk of himself in such a way, to know that is how he saw himself, how he always had. No matter how much she'd tried to show and prove to him otherwise...

Yes, there was an enormous amount of bad blood between the two of them these days, had been for quite some time, but she honestly hated to see him hurting. She wouldn't wish the torture he put himself on him or anyone else.

She hated that she'd made it worse. Unintentional or not, she had played a role in what happened to him, she knew that. She hated that loving him as she did had hurt him so much. Hated knowing that if she had just left him alone then maybe...

She truly believed that he had thought he was doing the right thing, in the beginning, by trying to push her away. She just wished she'd known that so she could have either left it be or so that she could proved him wrong, made him see that everything he believed about himself couldn't have been further from the truth.

Until she made it become the truth that seemed to be.

Looking back, looking into old forgotten memories she could see things differently now. She could see what he was doing, see the love and adoration, the longing, she had always missed yet craved for. She could see the absolute pain coming off him in waves all in the same breath. She could now see him struggling, see why he did the things he did.

From pushing her away when they were younger, to when he first started down this path, the first mistakes he threw himself into, why he did it, on through to the end. She could see how even when they did get together how hard it was for him. Look back to those haunting looks, things he'd mumble in passing... See how every day seemed to be a struggle with himself.

Buffy began to realize that believe he hadn't wanted her, believe she hadn't been enough, that he didn't love her... to believe in every thing he'd said to her... that was easier than the truth. She felt as though she couldn't breathe as she realized how broken the man squeezing her as tight as he possibly could at the moment was.

It was wrong, all of it, it was misguided what he'd done, but she, in a way, yes she could understand it. She honestly didn't want to, but she did. And that hurt her worse than anything else ever had.

Buffy had believe it, that he hadn't ever loved her, didn't want her, that she never mattered... she believed all of it and more. What he had said, done and what her own mind had come up with branching from what he'd given her. Now though, now she saw how much she had meant, how much he had loved her. She knew he hadn't honestly meant to hurt her, at least not in the way she had thought. He had thought he was protecting her. He didn't want to see her get hurt.

He hadn't wanted her to be disappointed in him.

It was a complete backwards way of thinking, but she got it. And she wished she didn't right now.

Buffy did her best to hold in another strangled cry and then pulled back against him slightly before dropping her head down to bury against his shoulder and neck. And even though she knew it was wrong, Buffy closed her eyes and let the world fade away, let everything fade away. She allowed her walls to come down and let herself feel something for this man she had once, and knew she would always love.

"I miss you."

Buffy stopped breathing, yet her heart seemed to continue to pump, fast and hard. She was pretty sure it was rocking her body as it went, pushing and pulling her ever so slightly.

She squeezed her eyes shut, her head pounding, too much going on at one time. Then, before she even knew what she was doing, she jumped up from his lap and swallowed nervously. "You should probably go," she told him, calmly as she could.

She never looked at him, afraid to, afraid what she might see.

Angel swallowed, his eyes closing for a long pause, then he stood. He began to reach for her, then stopped, quickly pulling back. He nodded softly, sadly, not that she saw it.

"Okay," he whispered. He stood there for several more moments before finally making a move toward the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Faith's eyes widened and she let out a deep breath as Angel finished telling her the events of his day.

She hadn't honestly expected him to open up to her, not about this and certainly not this much, but she figured the booze helped with that.

Shaking her head, she reached over and grabbed the almost empty whiskey bottle from his hand and downed the remaining liquid while Angel closed his eyes and let his head fall down to the table in front of him with a loud bang and some grumbling under his breath.

"You're still in love with her," she finally spoke. It wasn't like some light bulb just went off in her head, she knew he'd never stopped no matter how hard he might have tried to hide it, but it just seemed so real right now, so blinding.

Angel snorted, lifting his head. "Yeah, Faith, I'm still in love with her. I've fought it the better part of my life, too. When I was younger, when we were together, when I fucked everything up, every day from that point, even earlier today. But it's true, I fucking do love her. I miss her every fucking second of every fucking day. And I love her more than anything in this world."

Angel tipped his chair back and reached behind him for a new bottle.

"And you know, for awhile, it almost seemed okay. It hurt but I numbed it the best I could. Then, fucking one day... there she is, there's the world I left behind."

Angel took a drink before coughing on it.

"You should have seen her. She was fucking beautiful that day. And... and in so much pain the second she saw me and then a rage when she found out what Lorne asked me to do. I don't know why I did it, I shouldn't have,. It was too painful going back into that life... with them, with what we used to pretend to do, what we always planned to make happen... And then... when he offered me a job... more permanent... I should have walked away. But I couldn't. Seeing her again... I couldn't. I knew she hated me and I knew I'd only be hurting us both, but just to be around her again... that was all I could think about."

"You two fight like cats and dogs if I understand my gossip correctly. And I have actually seen it with my own two eyes, you know."

He nodded, taking another large swallow.

"We do. I mean, I get why she does but me? I just... it's still me taking my shit out on her most of the time. Sad, but true. My anger at myself boils over, and sadly she gets a lot of the flak from it. But... it is also just... I don't know. We never really talked and when we did no matter what it seemed to turn into some argument or another. And I'd just get frustrated. Maybe that's the same as before, I don't know." Angel shook his head. "I just... she... I don't know. She hates me and that's hard to deal with I guess?"

Faith sighed, stealing another taste from his hard liquor.

"Buffy doesn't hate you, Angel. She still has feelings for you, anyone with eyes can see that. Besides, she wouldn't still be that hurt over you and what you did to her if she didn't."

Angel ignored that, least for now.

"You know, one day it just all hit me you know. How tired I was of my life and what I was doing. I know I told you this before but there's some things I'm sure I left out. See, because thing is... this whole perfect life I want, family goal and the whole shebang... no matter what I do, I can only see her. I try not to, but I can't help it. If I think about settling down, the only face I see is hers. I see her laughing and smiling and spinning around in some small little started house we pick. I see her leaning against me and sighing, both our hands going to her rounded stomach as we decide on a bigger place before the baby comes. I see little blonde haired girls and dark haired boys who all have different attributes from the both of us running around. All I fucking do is see her."

Faith stared at him for the longest time, letting everything sink in.

And not just everything from tonight but over the many years that had come before.

"You both took a huge step tonight, Angel. One you both needed. Whether or not it plays out this way or that, it's good you finally talked about it. That said, there is... there is a possibility that one way this can play out is..."

Angel shook his head, not letting her finish.

He gave a sad laugh her way.

"You do remember everything I did to her right? Just because I attempted to... whatever I attempted to do earlier tonight... it doesn't mean or change anything."

"It could," she told him softly. "I'm not saying it will... but it could. But you can't know unless you try. Yes, you fucked up. So bad that you honestly shouldn't probably get the opportunity but you might have a chance at it, a better chance. It may not work, hell she might not even let you, but Angel it's there. You've had all this time... and maybe you needed it, maybe you needed to wait until now, maybe all of this needed to be bottled up until now, I don't know, but I do know that you love her and that you truly could do right by her. I don't know if you can ever make up for the past, but you can give both of you a future. You know, the one you threw away and should have been living... oh... say right freaking now."

OoOoO

"Hey."

Angel's eyes opened into little slits and his face scrunched up in pain as he tried to tilt his head to find her.

"Hey," he said after clearing his throat.

Deciding it was all too much, Angel let his head fall back down and he closed his eyes.

Faith shook her head as she gathered up some you-got-completely-shitfaced-last-night helpful ingredients and brought them over to him. "Here, you may be on a short leave but I am not and have to go in today," she told him, taking a sip from her own nasty hangover helper and making a face of disgust afterward. "When you can think straight, not just focus on the pounding, please do me a favor and at least think about what we talked about last night, huh?"

Angel sighed. "Fine," he grumbled out. "I'll think about it."

And he knew he would, like she said when it was a little easier maybe a bit better, but he had been thinking about it as he laid here.

"Have a good day. Try and get a feel as to when exactly I'm supposed to be coming back."

"Sure thing, bro. Now rest up and take care."

OoOoO

After taking care of a few quick tasks, Faith headed for her boss' office, knocking softly before letting herself in.

"Well, don't you look like hell ran over this morning?" she commented.

"I am your employer, you know," Lorne grumbled out, rubbing his temples. "And I'll have you know, you're looking a little rough there yourself, sugarplum."

Faith chuckled, taking a seat. "Ah, well, that's what happens when you have a drunken heart to heart with the likes of my brother."

"And Buffy," Lorne added with a nod. "Though... I am more of a drinker than she but after all that... woo, did I ever need me some liquor."

Faith nodded. "Know how you feel."

And with that, she began prying into what had been said between her favorite blonde and her favorite gay man while she dropped more than enough hints about what had gone down between her and her brother.

The two of them discussed the day before, their heartbroken other halves, what had been said, the advice they each gave, their own personal opinions about this whole situation and what the hell they were going to do next.

OoOoO

It was on into the afternoon before Angel felt anywhere near human and pulled himself off of the couch... where he wasn't entirely sure how he ended up on last night... but didn't give that too much thought.

He attempted to eat something small then headed to take a shower... then another. In between the two he did make a phone call though, to Kate Lockley, the girl he had been trying to move on with in a more traditional sense than what he'd spent years upon years doing and ended it with her.

He didn't know a lot, but he knew they were just not going to make it and his reasons for pretending there was a chance seemed to have escaped him now.

After cleaning up, Angel lazily walked through his place, sighing as he went. He'd never just been sent home like this and didn't exactly know what to do with himself. Days he wasn't working or he'd taken vacation he always had something planned, though usually not something he would pride himself on, it usually fell in step with his former late night activities. And for the same reasons.

He hated being left alone with his thoughts... because his thoughts seemed to always come back around to her, their past, everything he did.

And it was too damn much to think about in the first place, let alone all the damn time.

Picking up a book, Angel headed toward his bedroom and took a seat hoping the words on the page could distract him.

But it wasn't long before Angel grew frustrated, tossing the book halfway across the room. He'd been staring at that same page the whole time and couldn't have even told you the first word if his life had depended on it.

His head fell back against his headboard and he rubbed his eyes for a moment.

Swinging his legs back over the side, Angel stood, preparing to head back to the living room and try and find something on the television but by the time he made it out there he'd decided to try something else.

Something stupid surely he believed but still.

He sat down to put on some shoes then searched around until he found his keys then headed out. Too much was on his mind, too many things had been said and he... just needed a little clearing up on a few things.

'Yep. That's all it is,' he kept telling himself on the drive over.


	9. Chapter 9

It was the worst possible moment, but Buffy found herself slowly making her way over to where Angel was snapping photographs of the guests. He was waiting for Fred to be found dressed enough so he could return to the room as requested. She went over and leaned into him. "I miss you, too," she whispered, her hands linking around one of his and holding him tight.

Angel dropped his head away from his camera, currently set upon a tripod, and looked down at her. The look in his eyes told her that he knew that this was dangerously picking up from that fateful evening when they'd had their big breakthrough, something they'd done everything possible to avoid since. For the most part anyway. But it never seemed all that easy.

And things had certainly changed since then.

OoOoO

That next morning had come, neither all that nice on either of them, and there had almost been a confrontation.

Buffy could still remember, play it over and over. That moment of just having glanced outside her window as she'd put the milk back in her refrigerator and seen him as he stepped out of his car and headed her way. He'd looked like hell, a complete and utter wreck, not that she'd been able to talk either.

The night before had been pretty damn rough. Hell, that whole day had been.

And she'd watched, frozen, as he'd strode across the pavement and onto her driveway... looking miserable and seemed to have been muttering to himself, trying to rehearse maybe whatever he'd come out there to say. But, but... this look of just... utter pain had crossed his face about halfway up the drive and stopped him right in his place.

Her heart had broke for him, even more than it had the evening before.

She remained completely still, frozen in place as he looked so lost for what seemed like an eternity before he forced himself to turn back around and gave up.

OoOoO

When they'd both finally returned to work, something had changed, everyone could sense that, see it. It was a lot of whispering, hushed silence around them, awkward avoidance between the two of them for what felt like forever.

Then... then just awkwardness remained.

There were flirtation with trying something out, trying to bring this or that up, to test things out... both of them always seemed to have so much buried just right underneath the surface... feelings, questions, answers... wanting so badly to say or do something... and they knew it, for themselves and one another... but it was such dangerous territory...

And again, this was not the time to go running through minefields. But she couldn't seem to stop herself.

Angel wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead after looking around the room quickly. After a moment, he tilted her head back and brushed her tears away with his thumbs before kissing her temple and holding her tighter. "It's going to be okay," he whispered.

"Angelcakes?" Lorne's voice suddenly broke through.

The two turned their heads in time to see Lorne's eyes grow wider and give a reoccurring as late shocked face before shaking it off.

"Oh. Um. Fred's ready now."

Buffy quickly removed herself from the wonderment that was Angel's arms and gave herself a little shake of her own. "I have to go check on some things anyway."

And she did, she'd spent so much time, especially today, running around like a complete mad woman. Not only was this wedding of Winifred Burkle and Wesley Wyndam-Pryce a job, with the majority of it on her shoulders, her responsibility in making sure everything ran smoothly, but she was also in the damn thing and, of course, the obvious situation when it came to these two. These two who were her friends, her family.

Today was about making sure their dream came true.

And she sure as hell didn't have time to deal with the craziness of her own life.

So, bidding the two men farewell, she hurried off and went about one of her final checks around the building to make sure everything was doing well. Then, she'd stop off and visit with the groom, then back to the bride.

OoOoO

Angel did his best to ignore Lorne's staring as he gathered up his things, also trying to mental prepare himself for this day still. Trying to block out everything going on with himself, just focus on Fred and Wesley.

Hearing his name finally being called, Angel turned his head and sighed. "She's having a rough day, Lorne. Everybody is. That's all."

Lorne looked as though he was going to just go into a speech about how wrong this was, but instead he took a few steps closer, lowered his voice not to disturb anyone else filling the large church. "Stop dancing around one another and subjects that you're too afraid to bring up. She's not about to just fall back into your lap but if you want her, and you're not going to fuck it up otherwise I'd have to hurt you, then go after her. She'll give you an opening but she's not about to take that step, we both know that. Not after everything, she won't be the one making that move. You both need to stop being so damn miserable all the time. I'm starting to miss you're bitchy bickering," he finished with a dramatic sigh.

OoOoO

Giving the large wooden door a knock, Angel found himself face to face with Trish Burkle, Fred's mother, a few seconds later.

She smiled, keeping the tears of both happiness and sorrow in check, and let him in.

Angel's eyes did a sweep of the room, from the room itself, the space he had to work with, the people filling it, including the bride herself. He gave her a wide smile and strode over to where she sat, bent down to kiss her cheek. "You look beautiful," he whispered.

Fred smiled, her hand coming up to remove the oxygen mask. "Thank you," she told him brightly.

There was more meaning to those two words, they both knew it.

Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and kissed her again before lightening the room with a few jokes about his task of being in here and doing his best to remain out of the way as they girls all did their thing.

This wasn't the first time he'd taken photos like this, he'd always do a quick sweep to at least get a few pre-wedding photos of the couples, but this was different. Not only was he sticking by her side for as much as he could, but why he was. Both Fred and Wes had asked him on their own to do this, to document every moment he could of this day in film so that Wes, Fred's friends and her family, would always have them with them. Even after...

The women all began their primping of the bride, Angel just watched for a moment before sliding about the room, camera in hand, capturing moments as they happened around him.

Fred's spirits were high, he knew that. She looked like every woman should on this day, on their day... happy and in love. Ready for a new chapter in her life... Which also contributed to that tiny dim in her eyes as well... knowing she would never truly get that life.

Her body had a mind of its own, wearing her down so much and so quickly. A lot of changes had happened during the planning of this day, things taking a turn. She wore out so easily and had been on so much pain medication which just added to it and made for a problem all on its own.

Against all wishes, she'd cut back the past few days and especially this one, wanting to know where she was, what was happening. Fred's already tiny body was now so frail looking, you had to wonder why she didn't just blow away with a breeze. She was often confide to a bed, or put in a wheelchair, walking was such a task.

She'd developed many increasing other health issues, her breathing had been so bad recently that they'd been worried she'd not be able to go through with this, but she fought it and as horrible as things still were, she was going to be okay to get through this.

When Buffy returned, the two of them shared a moment through the lens, for both themselves and for their friends. Then she blinked away the tears wanting to spill and turned to Fred, doing the final few touches to the brunette's hair and make-up before they all helped stand her up in front of the large mirror to see the final package.

She looked beautiful. She truly did. Almost like her old self in that moment, and you could see how elated that made her.

"I'm getting married today," she said out loud, her voice dreamy and everybody smiled, laughed, and made funny comments back to her.

OoOoO

And get married she did.

Every seat in the place was filled, extra minglers standing up in the back.

She walked down that isle, with her father, and was given away to the man who wanted to spend his life with her, but would only get to see that happen in reverse for her.

Not that there were any regrets at all about this. None. Wes was beaming brightly, taking her with him up those final steps and the ceremony began.

As their vows were exchanged, not a single person didn't shed a tear as they spoke from the heart, recounting memories, expressing the love you couldn't help but feel rolling off them, remembering that they had to cherish these moments fore they knew there wouldn't be many left.

Lorne sang two songs throughout, his voice cracking in the second with emotion.

Poems were read, candles were lit, a kiss cemented these two as husband and wife.

It was a beautiful event.

OoOoO

Fred made it through their first dance as well as one with her father, then she'd had to take a break, but she was never quit when it came to enjoying the party. She laughed and visited, clapped for the band and for her friends and family as they made fools out of themselves out on the floor. She cuddled up with Wes and enjoyed the unhealthy snacks she'd steal off the tables.

Handing out a few last throwaway cameras to guests, and a few point and shoot ones to other co-workers, then getting Lorne to take one as well and to watch his stuff, Angel zig-zagged through the crowd until he reached the maid of honor and wrapped his arms around her. Earning a look from Fred and Wes both in the process.

"Dance with me," he whispered in Buffy's ear.

OoOoO

There were two slow dances, both awkward movements involved and deafening silence, then a few faster paced ones where they seemed to shake it off with the twirls and dips, laughing and making fun of themselves, then a return to the slower ones.

Angel pulled her as close to him as possible and buried his nose in her hair, closing his eyes. "I don't know how to make this right," he whispered, "I don't think there's even a way for that to happen. But... I want to try, Buffy. I want a chance to try. I want you. I've always wanted you."

OoOoO

Buffy felt as though she was in this constant battle against herself when it came to the likes of Angel. She'd tried to just ignore it, all of it, and for so long, but now it just seemed impossible.

And he certainly wasn't making things any easier.

It wasn't as though Angel was down her throat about anything, wasn't being assertive on the subject at all, nor was he whining or crawling around begging or anything equally annoying. Everything was... it was just there. He was just there.

Angel had boldly expressed his interest in her a time or two but for the most part everything was rather subtle. Worse though when he was just being himself, this new and improved version of himself, and that got her the hardest.

It was rather frustrating.

Given an upcoming project for the company, the two of them had also been spending more hours together than usual, a lot of long nights on the job, which wasn't helping clear anything up for her either.

It was already awkward enough after they'd had their little breakthrough, the return of old feelings mixed with a lot of new bubbling inside, the lack of ripping into one another every chance they'd got and trying to find where they stood now... then there was Fred and Wes' wedding and the spiral of their set schedules from before and life just kept getting crazier and crazier.

There was an obvious difference in Angel, she couldn't deny that, though she'd tried there for awhile. It was a harsh reminder of the past, of all the reasons she'd fallen in love with him in the first place... yet, so different at the same time. A new, a better Angel was emerging, more with every day. He was trying, very hard, and he was succeeding while doing so.

And it scared her to no end.

She wanted to let him in, to give him a chance, to even try at giving him a chance. And that was terrifying.

There was no forget the past button, make the pain he'd caused go away button. She knew better than to believe someone couldn't change, to forever hold the past against someone, but at the same time you couldn't just drop everything either. Not her, not with everything she'd gone through with him.

It was a tough spot to be in and she was driving herself mad with it.

She was, at least, going with advice those near and dear to her had given. She wasn't throwing up walls, wasn't completely shutting him out. She was being friendly... she was seeing what happened in the moment. But that didn't always calm the nervousness in her head either.

Buffy covered her yawning mouth with a hand still holding a red pen then looked blearily over at the clock and groaned.

Next, Buffy let her eyes drift over to the other side of the sofa where the handsome dark-haired man was laid out, perfectly asleep.

The sight brought a smile to her lips, along with a soft chuckle and shaking of her head. She leaned back against the cushions and just watched him for several minutes before laying the pen from her hand down on the table in front of her down, along with the stacks of pages she'd held on her lap, then headed across the room to open a storage closet where a few old blankets were stored away and brought them back over.

Buffy covered Angel up first, then she wrapped a throw around herself and went back to work.

A dozen or so other workers had been working on the project as well but they'd all long since left home, obviously having more sense than either of them.

Before long though, Buffy couldn't even see straight and put everything back down to the desk. She was too tired to even think about driving home and didn't want to waste the angelic looking man sharing this wonderful piece of furniture, so she gave it a quick thought then shrugged and settled more comfortable on the sofa and let her head rest on his jacket as a pillow and closed her eyes, letting sleep take her under too.

OoOoO

Angel woke up some hours later, unsure for several minutes of just where he was and why. He'd been too busy concentrating on his sore neck before sitting up and giving the dim place a look around.

He didn't remember passing out but he didn't mind it so much now looking at the other end and seeing the tiny form of his favorite blonde curled up so close to him.

Angel propped himself up a little more comfortably and he sleepily looked her over, a wave on countless memories hitting him of doing just this time and time again back in the old days. Something about the pure innocence that radiated from her during these times always used to drive it home how much this tiny girl had meant to him, how lucky he was to have her.

And right now it reminded him just how bad he wanted all of that back.

Angel remained like this for a good amount of time before forcing himself to stand and take a quick trip to the restrooms. He did his business then unbuttoned and slipped off his overshirt and splashed some water on his face.

He used a small dixie cup for a quick drink then headed back inside.

He toed out of his shoes then, fully knowing how much trouble this move could land him in, he slipped back onto the couch, this time taking place on what was left of the space behind Buffy and wrapping himself around her. He figured both that this might be his only shot at every getting to do such a thing again and that if was for this alone... then it was damn well worth it.

OoOoO

Buffy woke herself later on, finding her nose and forehead pressed firmly and comfortably against the back of the sofa, her head smooshed nicely against the arm rest, warm blankets keeping her cozy, as well as the strong arms around her, the strong body behind her. She felt her heart rate increase and breathing become irregular knowing full well who these limbs belonged to and a pretty good idea as to why they were there.

It filled her with a sense of conflicting emotions, the strongest being a happy longing to enjoy it. Which, Buffy did for several too long moments. She was about to break up this little love fest when the panic started slipping in more pronounced but the knock on the door, followed by it opening, did that just fine for her.

"Buffy? Sweetie? Are you..." Lorne spoke, cutting off when his eyes landed on the couple.

Buffy's head was turned now to meet him. Angel was still pretty out of it but had one eye opened, though good chance it wasn't seeing anything anyway. Buffy looked him over briefly then jumped up and away from him, her hands fluttering to her hair then her clothing.

"Hi," she muttered toward her boss.

"You stayed here all night?" he asked after several uneasy moments.

Buffy shrugged, gathering up her things. "Yeah, well, you know. Must have dosed off and all." She turned her head toward the clock and groaned. "Mind if I, or we even, go home and change thanks to this little... mishap or whatever?"

He took a sip from his coffee and leaned in the door frame. "Sure. Go home, shower, even take a few hours off to get some sleep and some breakfast in. It's still early and you've both been putting some obvious effort in these days," he teased softly. "I can hold down the fort," he cut in once Buffy started reminding him of the early appointment she knew she had and began throwing out she was sure Angel had something to do as well. "Go. Shower. Change. Eat. Sleep. Then come back and get to work," he said with a wink.

Lorne also threw them each a look which was to be read as he was going to be having a talk with each of them later.

From the corner of her eye Buffy saw Angel pull himself to his feet. He looked over his files and then shook his head and looked away. "Mind if I just leave this all here, least for now?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, that's fine. It'll just get back here anyway."

He nodded, yawned. "C'mon, I'll drive you home."

"I have my car."

"I know, but you're tired, sleep on the way, take a load off."

There was a brief argument, if you could even call it that, and she finally relented. He was to drive her home, they could each rest a while, then he'd return to get her and they'd come back to work.

Easy.

In theory.

Buffy wasn't sure why she felt all the more nervous about it though as they headed out.

OoOoO

It was still insanely early so only a few scattered members of the team were around and weren't paying much attention to the likes of them anyway.

Buffy snagged them each a donut on the way which they happily munched on on the elevator ride down.

The car ride was mostly held in silence.

There was still this building nervousness and confusion inside of her but it wasn't exactly an uncomfortable trip. She laid her head against the cool window and listened to the barely loud enough to hear modern rock coming from his speakers as he drove.

Her eyes were back to drooping, her body feeling that buzzing numbness, by the time they pulled into her driveway.

She rubbed her eyes a little then thanked him, not only for the ride but for helping out so much lately. She wanted, and also didn't want to, comment on other events and situations but froze up and instead hurried out. He managed to get in a reminder to call him when she was ready so he could come out and get here before she sprinted away.

Buffy turned back and gave him a little wave at the last minute before slipping inside her door.

The mirror she came to face from the side showed her sighing as she leaned against the door, a dreamy smile threatening to split across her face. Catching the sight, Buffy grumbled and glared, stomped off toward her bathroom, casting her clothes off as she went.

OoOoO

Buffy showered, slept, fixed a bowl of cereal and some toast, then she called Angel.

She'd barely had time to clean up and get dressed by the time he pulled back up, looking quite refreshed himself she noticed slipping inside his fancy vehicle.

She smiled and handed him the last few slices of her orange and then they were off.

This time they were both more alert, the radio was a tad louder, and they actually spoke. At first just small talk chatter of did you manage to get some rest in, you look good and then onto a little about work.

The mood shifted once they were back on their floor, just stepping off of the elevators. Angel had a serious look come over his face and he nervously reached for her hand. "Have dinner with me tonight."

Buffy's eyes almost came out of her skull she was sure. "Angel..."

He shook his head, his eyes pleading. "Just dinner, Buffy. It doesn't have to be a date, just two old friends, co-workers, whatever. Just please?"

She wasn't exactly sure how it happened but Buffy found herself agreeing. And found him scampering away before she came to her senses and changed her mind.


	10. Chapter 10

"Wait. You asked Buffy out on a date? And she said yes?"

Angel glanced at his sister, taking large strides across the room. "It's not a date. Just dinner."

"Oh, please. It's a date. What the hell are you doing?"

Angel sighed. "Trying."

"For her?"

"Yes. I can't keep..." Angel shook his head. "I have to at least try something."

OoOoO

Buffy sighed, throwing her hands up. "Why am I even doing this? I'm just going to cancel."

"You will do no such thing, young lady."

Buffy looked at her boss, then sighed again. "What in the world is he doing? And why to me?"

"Maybe he meant it. Maybe he does want another chance."

Buffy took a few steps and sat down. "He doesn't deserve one."

"A very large part of me would have to agree with you on that, sweetheart," he told her. "But a part of me is rooting for him getting a second chance, too."

Buffy made a face. "Of course you are." She waited a few seconds, then softly added, "And what if I do wind up letting him in again, if I give him another chance? What if I do... and he just dos everything all over again, if he fucks my life up all over again?"

Lorne gave her a very serious look, he temped his fingers together. "Well, that's simple. Then we kill him."

Buffy laughed. "Well, sure, that's one plan."

Lorne cracked a smirk. "Now, you go make yourself a bottle of some good wine and go run a warm bath and take a nice, long soak," he told her. "I'll go pick you something out to wear. And after yu get back home, you had better call me and tell me everything."

Buffy sat there for a few extra seconds then smiled, standing up, shaking her head.

Buffy walked over to her friend and boss, leaned down to hug him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Buf. Now get a move on it!"

Buffy laughed. She went to the kitchen, pouring them both a glass. She handed him his and asked if there was anything else he needed. He didn't so she headed upstairs to her bathroom to take that bath.

OoOoO

Buffy sank into the water, the tub fully with bubbles. She sighed, closed her eyes and tried not to think.

Buffy heard when Lorne came up the stairs, not too long after she had. He put on some music in her room, which she could hear lightly playing in the tub. She could also hear him muttering as he tried to figure her outfit out.

Before too long, he knocked on the door.

"Mmm?"

He stuck his head in the door. "You're all set, sweetheart. Is there anything else you need or that I can do for you?"

"Not that I can think of. Thanks again, Lorne."

He smiled. "No problem. Try not to over think this and just have fun, if nothing else. There's a handsome man wanting to spend some time with you and buy you a meal, there's worse ways to spend an evening." Lorne smiled again. "Don't forget to call me later."

"I won't."

OoOoO

Buffy sighed, knowing she needed to get out.

She wrapped a large white towel around herself and sat on the edge of the tub brushing her hair out and putting lotion on.

After drying off, she walked to the bedroom to find Lorne's pick laid out on her bed.

The dress was black, a strapless sweetheart, and had silver studs over the bust, with a draped material in between. She'd only tried the dress on before purchasing, but knew it flowed beautifully on her. The hem of the skirt to it was just below her knees in the front and made a small decline around the sides and to the back. The bottom of the back was a couple of inches from her ankles still.

Buffy slipped the dress on, then the black strappy heels he'd set beside it as well.

She headed to the bathroom to finish fixing her hair. She gave it just a hint of some curl, took her longer bangs and flipped them to one side with a black pin, and gave a quick spritz of hairspray. She wore some teardrop diamond earrings and silver solid bracelet cuff. She dabbed a hint of perfume on, retouched her make-up, then went to find a matching purse or clutch to take along.

By the time she was finished, it was just about time to head out.

"This is going to be a mistake," she muttered, heading back downstairs.

OoOoO

"Angel! You're going to be late if you don't get a move on!"

He muttered to himself walking through the living room.

"What are you looking for?"

"Wallet."

Faith pointed to the counter. "You look nice."

"What? Oh. Thanks." He looked back at her. "Is it too much?"

"No. Are you going to be getting her flowers or anything?"

"It's not supposed to be a date." He waited a moment. "Should I?"

She thought for a moment. "In this case, I'll say probably not. You get your head out of your ass and have an official date then do so."

"I'll keep that in mind," he muttered. "Let's just get through tonight."

"You'll be fine. Geez. You've known the girl practically your whole life. And you have dated her before."

"Yeah, and this is still nerve wracking. And this is supposed to be nothing like the past."

"You'll be fine, Angel," she repeated.

"I have no idea what to say to her."

"That you wanna marry her and have her babies," Faith offered.

Angel glared.

She laughed. "You never know what to say to her. Just go with it. Tell her how you feel. See what happens. And stop stressing out. You're making me nervous."

OoOoO

Angel kept checking his phone. One, for the time... even five seconds, two, he kept waiting for a message from Buffy saying she'd changed her mind.

In his stress, he didn't know really what to hope for, if she would or if she'd actually come.

Angel took a large gulp of the glass of ice water before him. He took another quick peek at his phone, then started glancing around the room. His eyes didn't go far though.

Angel spotted Buffy several tables down, being led by one of the waiters to theirs.

Angel barely had time to recover from his shock and joy, and drooling, over seeing her to stand up before she reached the table.

"Here you are, ma'am," the waiter told her. "Please have a seat. Your menus are over there," he pointed. "Your waiter for this evening will be over here in shortly to get some drinks for you guys, alright?"

"Thank you," they both told him.

"No problem. Have a great evening."

As he walked off, the two of them sat down.

"You look beautiful," Angel said, looking her over again as he folded down into the chair.

Buffy smiled. "Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself."

He blushed a little. And thought of how Buffy was the only person to really ever cause such a reaction.

Angel reached over to grab the two drink menus, handing her one.

About a minute later, their waiter came by to introduce himself and to get them something else besides the water. He took the smaller menus and gave them the meal ones. "I'll go get you your drinks and be back in just a few minutes? Is there anything else I can do for you right now?"

Buffy smiled at him. "Nope, nothing I can think of."

Angel shook his head. And the waiter headed off.

The two began looking through the large menu, though Angel had a hard time concentrating on anything other than the woman across from him. He did have to hand it to Lorne's quick suggestion of this place. He had never been, heard good things though, and everything did look pretty damn good.

When the waiter returned, he sat their drinks down then asked if they were ready to order.

Angel directed him toward Buffy first, unsure if she was or not.

Buffy smiled at the guy again, then looked down at her menu. She began biting her lip, her eyes looking over the page before her.

"I can come back, if you need a few extra minutes."

Buffy smiled again. "No..." she flipped between two pages, looking them over, then chose and handed him the menu back.

"Thank you," he said, nodding his head at her. "And you, Sir?"

Angel told him, then handed his menu over as well.

"Alright. I will let them know and be back in just a bit." He asked if there was anything else he could get, to which the both said no, and he again left them to themselves.

"This place is beautiful," Buffy commented.

Angel nodded. "Yeah, it is. I'd never been here before, but I can say I'm impressed so far."

Buffy smiled. "Not exactly your type of place, if I do recall."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Not so much." Angel waited a few more seconds then added, "I didn't think you were going to come."

Buffy sighed, turned her head to look about the room. "I wasn't sure if I would or not myself."

"I'm glad that you did."

OoOoO

By the end of the evening, Buffy was glad that she had come, too. Which rather surprised her, but it was nice.

The staff were very friendly every step of the way, and the food was to die for. The two of them had seen a former client couple and briefly spoke with them, asking how they were doing and all. And then when it came to Angel... well, there had been the surprising part.

At first, it was rather awkward between the two of them... but after the food was ordered, and after they got past the easy topic of talking about things with work... it settled down and became a very easy going time with him. The two of them spoke on various topics, told stories, laughed. A lot.

Even after they had finished dessert, the two of them remained at the table for quite some time. Just talking.

OoOoO

While Angel finally paid the check at the front, Buffy went ahead to wait in the lounge area.

He really wasn't looking forward to going their separate ways yet. Even with how late it had become, and the fact he'd see her tomorrow at work.

He wished he hadn't suggested the meet at the restaurant either, as he'd have the extra minutes in the car with her if he was driving her home. But he had went this route because of the whole non-date thing.

"Hey," he greeted, placing a hand on her lower back, unable to keep his hands off of her completely through this evening.

Buffy's head turned. "Hi."

"Thank you again for coming tonight."

She smiled. "I had a very nice time, Angelus."

"I'm glad." He took a deep breath. "Maybe we could do this again sometime? Or... go do something else together... sometime?"

Buffy took a breath of her own. "Tonight was lovely, and I thank you for it. But I don't think that would be a good idea."

His heart sunk. "Why not?"

"We've tried this already, Angel. It didn't go well." She turned, out of his reach. "It's getting rather late so I should probably be heading back home. You should too, don't you have an early meeting?"

He nodded numbly. "Yeah."

She smiled, too brightly. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight."

And with that, he watched her turn and begin to walk away.

OoOoO

Buffy was just about to get into her car when he reached her again. "Buf?"

She jumped a little. "Jesus, Angel. You scared me half to death. What are you doing?"

"Buf, please give me a chance here." Angel watched her suck in an angry breath and continued before she could go off on him. "I know. I know. You already gave me a chance before, and I fucked everything up with it. And I am sorry for that. I was... I was a stupid kid then. I'm not now. Yes, until recently I was still resembling in great measure that dumbass kid, but I'm done with that. With all of it. I want to do right by you, Buffy. Like I should have all those years ago."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, then took a step closer to her. "You're the only girl that I have ever loved, Buffy. You're the only one I ever will."

"I need to go home."

He could hear her about to cry.

"Think about it, please? I'll do whatever you want me to here, Buf."

OoOoO

"So? How'd it go?"

Buffy sighed, slipping her shoes off, the phone cradled between her shoulder and chin. She began to tell him of the lovely evening.

"And are you seeing him again?"

"Yes," she said dryly, "Tomorrow. At work."

"That is not what I meant."

She sighed again. "He asked. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea."

"Why not? I thought you had a nice time?"

"There's just too much history there, Lorne. Too much already happened between me and him."

"Buffy, you can't live in the past forever. I'm with you, he made a mess of things the last time. But I think he's finally in his right head. And I think that if you let him, he could do right by you."

"It's a huge risk. I know I can't live completely in the past. But he gave me a lot of past to get over."


End file.
